Jacob to Israel

Over the last seven years I’ve attended many baby showers. And the best part for me is learning the name of the baby and finding out the meaning of the name. Sometimes the parents choose a name based on the meaning or because they want to name the baby after a relative. Other times it’s because they just love the sound of the name. No matter the reason, the name ends up being perfect for the little bundle of love.  

One thing I love doing for an expectant mother is to create a picture for the baby’s room. On the back of the picture I like to write down what the baby’s name means and a little prayer for them to read when they get old enough.  

For the last couple of weeks we have been talking about how God changed Abraham and Sarah’s names. Today we are going to learn a little more about their grandson, Jacob, and how God decided to change his name as well. 

Jacob was born to Isaac and Rebekah, the second in a set of twins. But while in the womb, Jacob and his brother fought constantly. To the point where Rebekah had to ask the Lord, 

‘ [...] “Why is this happening to me?” [...] The Lord said to her,
“Two nations are in your womb,

and two peoples from within you will be separated;

one people will be stronger than the other,

and the older will serve the younger.”’
Genesis 25:23

I don’t know how Rebekah felt about what God told her. But I do know that when the twins were born, Isaac and Rebekah were very literal with the twins’ names:

• Esau - “Hairy” 

• Jacob - “He grasps the heel or he deceives”

Jacob lives up to the meaning of his name. He deceives his father and steals the blessing meant for Esau (the oldest) with his mother’s help. Jacob spends much of his adult life running: from his brother, his father-in-law, from himself. But God tells him to return to the land where his father and brother reside: 

“Then the Lord said to Jacob, “Go back to the land of your fathers and to your relatives, and I will be with you.”
Genesis 31:3

Even though Jacob received the blessing of the first born through deceit, God still wanted to be a part of his life. To me this can only mean one thing, God wants our whole selves. He doesn’t care if we are angry, sad, or happy. Our Father just wants us to go to Him. God chose to be with Jacob and honor the blessing that was given to him.  

Jacob followed God’s directions just as his grandfather had before him. But even though Jacob was obedient, he was fearful to meet his brother again and after sending gifts and his household ahead of him he returned to camp, 

“[...] Jacob [was] all alone in the camp, and a man came and wrestled with him until the dawn began to break. When the man saw that he would not win the match, he touched Jacob’s hip and wrenched it out of its socket. Then the man said, “Let me go, for the dawn is breaking!”

But Jacob said, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”

“What is your name?” the man asked.

He replied, “Jacob.”

“Your name will no longer be Jacob,” the man told him. “From now on you will be called Israel, because you have fought with God and with men and have won.”

“Please tell me your name,” Jacob said.

“Why do you want to know my name?” the man replied. Then he blessed Jacob there.”

Genesis 24-29

As a little girl, I remember my Dad getting on the floor and rough housing with me and my sisters. We would dogpile him and he would tickle us until we couldn’t breathe. But no matter how far the play went, I never got hurt. 

After a conversation with a gal at church, I now think that God wrestled with Jacob because He wanted to provide a safe place for Jacob to work out his frustrations and fears. Like a daddy rough housing with his kid, the Lord was there for Jacob and as a parting gift He renamed him Israel. 

Even after his name change, Israel still went through times where he struggled to do the right thing. But each time he went back to God after messing up. Much like his descendents. 

What are you struggling with right now? Is there a situation where you feel like you need to wrestle with God?  

Bethany Thomas is the Publicity Coordinator and a contributing writer for Shaken & Stirred. She is a daughter of God, a wife, and a dog mom. When not writing for the blog, you are most likely to find her reading a fantasy novel or crafting at her home in Sapulpa, OK.

Photo by Wren Meinberg on Unsplash

Sarai for Sarah // Mary Swafford

What’s in a name?

When I was young, I had a terrible time naming things.  I had a teddy bear named Teddy.  I had a baby doll named Dolly.  I once had a cat named Kitty.  It’s a wonder that my firstborn didn’t come home with the name Baby Boy!

Names are an incredibly important part of our identity. They carry deep personal, cultural and historical connections. They also give us a sense of who we are, the communities in which we belong, and our place in the world.

Naming demonstrates authority. When God created man, he gave him the name Adam, and one of the first jobs he gave Adam was to give names to everything put under his care.

While naming is tied to authority in the scriptures, it also reveals intimacy.  It allows for a person to know and be known by others.

I wasn’t given a name at birth.  Instead, I was given up.  I didn’t belong to anyone.  No one was there to claim me.  For the weeks and months I spent in the hospital awaiting adoption, the nurses finally named me Sara.  I guess it was an easier way to identify me than “baby girl with red hair”.  When you name someone, it shows there is intimate knowledge — a relationship.

I was renamed Mary once I was adopted.  Mary Elizabeth to be exact.  My older brother would say I was named after baby Jesus’ mother, but the truth is I was named after my father’s mother, who he never knew himself.  Interesting to think that I was once nameless and yet named after someone no one even knew.

The name Mary actually means; bitter, beloved, rebellious, and wished-for child.  I know I have been one or more of those things at some time or another in my life.  But more important than what the dictionary says about my name, is that my naming marked the start of a new beginning in my life.  A new path.  A new journey.

We see this many times in Scripture. The Bible records many accounts of God assigning new names upon believers when they underwent life-changing spiritual transformations. Just like He did for Abraham and Sarah. When God changed Abram’s name to Abraham, it marked a new beginning in his life — a spiritual advancement, a growing faith.

As further affirmation of His promise to Abraham, God also changed the name of Abraham’s wife from Sarai, which means quarrelsome, to Sarah, meaning princess. 

“Then God said to Abraham, Regarding Sarai, your wife - her name will no longer be Sarai.  From now on her name will be Sarah.  And I will bless her and give you a son from her!  Yes I will bless her richly, and she will become the mother of many nations.  Kings of nations will be among her descendants.” 
Genesis 17:15-16 

The new names that God gave to Abraham and Sarah did not in itself change them. Rather, it reflected the change God was performing in them. It marked the end of one chapter and the beginning of a new life. Consider that Abraham was 99 years old when God gave him a new name, and Sarah was 90. If anyone’s life demonstrates that it’s never too late to change, it is the life of Abraham or Sarah.

As my husband often tells our house church, “if you’re not dead, God’s not done!”  And when God’s not done with you, He gives you a new name and a new purpose.

The name given by God is the name that will lead us to God's promises. God changed Abram's name to Abraham, Sarai's to Sarah, Jacob's to Israel, and Simon's to Peter. Through those names God gave new beginnings, new hopes, new blessings.  Much like when I received my new name after being adopted by my parents.

Each of the new names God has given, marked new beginnings and profound changes of character in the lives of the individuals who received them. Likewise, we experienced a transformational shift in our lives when we surrendered to the Lordship of Jesus. Although our names might not have been legally changed, Jesus dramatically redefined our lives when we chose to follow Him — and we are not the same people we used to be!

Consider these phrases pulled right from the pages of the Bible: Fearfully and wonderfully made, seen, known, loved, children of God, adopted, not forgotten, filled with the Spirit, full of Christ, united with Christ, chosen, accepted, loved, forgiven, not forsaken, reconciled, free from condemnation, a new creation, complete in Christ, holy, blameless, without a single fault, secure, heirs, free, no longer slaves, transformed, renewed, God’s special possession, salt, light, not your own, bought with a price, created in the image of God, raised with Christ, dead to sin, alive to God, part of the body, brothers, sisters, sons, daughters, the bride of Christ, renamed.

Jesus gave up His name and identity for me. He became like me so that I might become like Him. When I think of this, I am reminded that there is no need for me to try to carve out a name for myself. Any identity I create for myself won’t last, only the identity God gives me will last into eternity.

“On that day I will gather you together and bring you home again. I will give you a good name, a name of distinction, among all the nations of the earth, as I restore your fortunes before their very eyes. I, the Lord, have spoken!” 
Zephaniah 3:20

God sees me, He knows me. He knows who I am and who I am meant to be — and that will be the basis for my new name that only He can give.  And for this, I will gladly “exchange” my name and my plans to be given a name He gives and the new purpose He has laid out for me in Jesus’ holy name!

Mary Swafford is the founder of Shaken & Stirred, Meals that Matter, Coffee Talk, and a Co-Owner of Boulder Coffee in downtown Sand Springs. She is a wife, a mother of 3 beautiful children, but most importantly a daughter of the most high God. You are likely to find her chugging or serving coffee, sitting in a tattooist’s chair, or making friends out of strangers.

Photo by Jared Subia on Unsplash

Abram for Abraham

As a little girl, I began to dislike my name. I couldn’t find it on keychains or other tchotchkes. It was the name of a town, which was boring. It was like being named: Paris or London, but not as popular. Then when I was around 8 I was in children’s church and learned the meaning of my names: Bethany: House of God or House of Figs, Rochelle: Small Rock 

I was fascinated by the idea that names have meaning. It was later in life that my Dad told me that it wasn’t an accident that I was named Bethany Rochelle. My parents wanted me to have a name that meant something and would remind me that my foundation was built on faith in God. I was a House of God built on the rock.  

In Genesis, we meet a man with a great name: Abram meaning “Exalted Father”. Except Abram wasn’t a father. Him and his wife, Sarai were struggling with infertility in their marriage. Yet, God was was ready to use this man and his family in a big way:

“Now the LORD had said unto Abram, Get thee out of thy country, and from thy kindred, and from thy father's house, unto a land that I will shew thee: and I will make of thee a great nation, and I will bless thee, and make thy name great; and thou shalt be a blessing: and I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee: and in thee shall all families of the earth be blessed.” 

Genesis 12:1-3

Abram was called to leave his home, follow the Lord, and for his obedience God would bless Abram and his descendants. Sounds simple right? Except it wasn’t, Abram and his household go through many trials as they travel. Sometimes, Abram got into trouble and drifted outside of the will God had for him. But Abram always went back to the Lord.

In Genesis 17:1-5,

And when Abram was ninety years old and nine, the LORD appeared to Abram, and said unto him, I am the Almighty God; walk before me, and be thou perfect. And I will make my covenant between me and thee, and will multiply thee exceedingly. And Abram fell on his face: and God talked with him, saying, As for me, behold, my covenant is with thee, and thou shalt be a father of many nations. Neither shall thy name any more be called Abram, but thy name shall be Abraham; for a father of many nations have I made thee.

Genesis 17:1-5 

At the age of 99, God again promised Abram that he would be a father and to ram the point home, He changed Abram’s name! Can you imagine? Having God directly name you? By changing Abram’s name to Abraham He was telling Abraham to announce to everyone, “I am a Father of Multitudes” even though he didn’t have any children yet.

Not long after this name change, Abraham’s wife took matters into her own hands. We’ll get into that story at a different time, but let’s just say that when we try to make things happen on our terms instead of God’s we get counterfeit blessings. 

A year later, God blessed Sarah and Abraham:

“[...] Abraham was a hundred years old, when his son Isaac was born unto him.

Genesis 21:5

Abraham was a father at the age of 100. I personally can’t imagine how that must have felt. Having confirmation of all of God’s promises wrapped up in one little baby’s swaddling blankets.

Like Abraham, I too wish to be a parent. While my name doesn’t mean mother, it does hold significance for me in that I’m meant to serve the Lord and give Him praise. My parents named me for a purpose and I believe that God has called me to do His work. 

I encourage you today to think about not only the name that you were given at birth, but think about what God is wanting you to do with your life. Are you allowing Him to guide you? 

Bethany Thomas is the Publicity Coordinator and a contributing writer for Shaken & Stirred. She is a daughter of God, a wife, and a dog mom. When not writing for the blog, you are most likely to find her reading a fantasy novel or crafting at her home in Sapulpa, OK.

Photo by Lauren Mancke on Unsplash

Pride for Obedience // Sarah Mercado

In my journey so far of following, loving, and serving Christ, there have been many occasions in which I was asked (either by leadership, or prompting of the Holy Spirit) to do something outside of my comfort zone. To be fair, my comfort zone is pretty small. I am an introvert and while I enjoy serving, I prefer to work behind the scenes in a more supportive role. I don’t enjoy doing anything that would put me in the spotlight or draw any attention. In fact, I would say I am resistant to those things.

So when I am asked to do something that is in an area that I would consider myself weak in, my typical response is to politely decline and/or point to someone who is obviously a better choice for such a task. Whether it is speaking, leading, praying out loud, or even writing for the Shaken & Stirred blog. My doubts, fears, and insecurities are many. What if I sound or look stupid? What if people think I’m weird? What if I stutter and stumble over my words? No, I can’t risk it. 

Recently I had someone point out to me that this may be a pride issue. Now, I’ve never considered myself a prideful person since I don’t want to be in the spotlight or have any attention on me. So, this was shocking to hear. I would tend to think of that as humility, not pride.

In Philippians 2:3-4 Paul says,

“Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others better than yourselves. Don’t look out for only your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.”

So, the truth is that, if I am sitting on the sidelines, not doing what God is calling me to do because I am afraid that I might look stupid, that is pride. I’m more worried about myself and how I am perceived by others, than I am about that person that could be reached if would just let go and let God use me how HE wants to use me. I’m looking out for my own interests instead of others and that is not humility. That is pride. 

Ouch. That was a hard pill to swallow. But then, the Holy Spirit directed me to this scripture. In 2 Corinthians 12:9 it says, 

 “Each time He said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’”

So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work in me.

You see, God wants to use me in my weakness. The truth is my weaknesses are where God can use me the most. His power works best in weakness, and if I can just surrender my pride to Him, then I will get to experience His power working in me. I don’t have to try to do things in my own power, because His power works best in my weakness.

The Lord has been stirring some things in me for some time now and I have been resistant to take the leap of obedience for all the reasons I have already shared. One of those things being writing for Shaken & Stirred. So here I am. Laying down my pride. Exchanging it for obedience. Choosing to be obedient to do what God has called me to do, and to allow His power to work in and through my weakness for His glory.

Perhaps you can relate. What is God calling you to do that may be outside your comfort zone? Delayed obedience is disobedience. Where do you need to be obedient to allow God to use you in your weakness?

Sarah Mercado is a contributing writer for Shaken & Stirred. She is a follower of Christ, a wife, and

mother of two. She is a small business owner, and a founding contributor of Church That Matters. When

she is not working, she can be found spending time with her family and friends, cooking, reading, or

listening to a podcast.

Circle of Friends // Chelynn Broughton

If I asked you to make a list of every friend you’ve ever had since you were little, you would probably think I was asking for the impossible. I know that I wouldn’t be able to do it.  Friends are important to all of us. From a very young age, we begin developing relationships with people we meet at daycare, school, church, or our neighborhood, and we usually have that one friend who we call our bff. We want to share everything with that friend including sleepovers, clothes, activities, and secrets. This friend strengthens our imagination as we explore the world with them by our side. As we age and sometimes move around, we lose these friends and gain new ones. If we’re lucky, we find another best friend. When we become teenagers, we don’t want to do anything or go anywhere without our friends. Our entire world revolves around them. We fight and make up. We laugh and cry with them. They stick with us through thick and thin. I’m sure you’re thinking about those friends as you read this. I know that I am. When we graduate from high school, for multiple reasons, we tend to lose contact with those friends, but as adults, we make new friends. We tend to feel incomplete without a friend in our life. Because we are made in God’s image, we were made for relationships. Adam knew pretty quickly that he could not be happy without a “helper” who was just right for him, his bff, so to speak. 

Someone once told me that there are two types of friends: basement friends who pull you down and attic friends who lift you up.  Basement friends will gossip about you when you’re not around. They will share your secrets with others. They will encourage you to do things that might get you in trouble. They are never there when you need them, but they expect you to drop everything when they need you. 

There are friends who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.
Proverbs 18:24

Attic friends will go to their graves with your secrets; they have your back in every situation; they only want what’s best for you, so they will be honest even if it hurts, and they make you feel like a better person when you’re around them.

In the book of Job, God gives us an example of attic friends. In this story, Job has experienced great loss, including the death of his children, his servants, his livestock, and his health. 

When three of Job’s friends heard of the tragedy he had suffered, they got together and traveled from their homes to comfort and console him…

When they saw Job from a distance, they scarcely recognized him. Wailing loudly, they tore their robes and threw dust into the air over their heads to show their grief. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words.
Job 2:11-13

Do you have friends like this? They may not know exactly what to say when you’re hurting, but they are sad because you’re sad, and they will hand you the tissues as you cry and not leave your side until you’re better.

We should regularly take time to evaluate our friendships and make sure that our friend choices are the right ones. Can you describe them as loyal friends who are there for you? If they are, make sure you let them know how much you value them. If not, maybe you need to  “exchange” them for those who you can trust. What Michael Wilson said on Sunday about spouses needing to both have Jesus as their number one goes with friendships as well. If both friends are focused on Jesus as their number one, then it will tighten the friendship as well.

A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need.
Proverbs 17:17

Another thing to consider is what kind of friend are you? If you can’t say that you’re an attic friend, then maybe you need to work on that as well. Pray that God will enlighten you and make you a better friend to those in your circle of friends.

As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.
Proverbs 27:17

*If you’re looking for friends who have the correct focus, join us on Saturday mornings at Boulder Coffee at 10:00 for Coffee Talk or come to our annual Shaken & Stirred event this Sunday, February 19th, at CTM for a spirit-filled time of praise and worship with other like-minded women.

Chelynn is a contributing writer for Shaken and Stirred. She is a long-time daughter of Christ, a wife, mother of two amazing adult children, and Nonnie to four beautiful grandchildren. She teaches Senior English at Charles Page High School and is also a Realtor for Keller Williams. She enjoys all things summer including boating, vacationing, and swimming.

Photo by Simon Maage on Unsplash

Curses for Blessings // Jennifer Hayes

When presented with the opportunity to write I jumped at the chance. I had an idea in my head of what I felt moved to write.  This would be easy peasy!  Something already on my heart makes for quick writing.  However, as soon as I committed, the challenge presented itself in the form of a phone call (more on that later).

One of my favorite movie lines from the movie Bambi is, “If you can’t say anything nice then don’t say anything at all”.  It’s easy to speak without a thought or care.  Some of us girls have the gift of gab and if you are like me you are probably a verbal processor.  I feel and share with words.  I have close friends who help me to safely process thoughts.  

As moms we remember the first words of our children.  We teach our kids to use their words and speak up.  We speak prayers both audible and silent.  We sing praises with words.  We feel the striving conflict of back talk, gossip, hurtful words, and broken relationships. We bask in the warmth of affirming words, accomplishment, encouragement, and kindness.  We read words, hear words, feel words and our days are consumed with words from beginning to end.  We can each recall moments when words affected our hearts negatively or positively.  If we admit it, we have conversations with people that infiltrate our thought life without ever having their physical presence. 

Scripture describes the power of words by characterizing them as fire, snare, sharp, death or life. Words lift, heal, and strengthen or they can tear down, destroy, diminish or cause death in someone’s soul. 

Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
and those who love it will eat its fruit.
Proverbs 18:21 (CSB)

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.
Romans 12:14

In Matthew 5:43 - 47 and Luke 6:27-28 we are instructed to bless those who curse us.  That loving those who love us is what unbelievers do because it is easy.  Clearly, loving those who are easy to love presents no challenge to our faith but we must examine scripture more fully.  God does not ask us to flatter or be deceptive in our speech either.  I think the tension with blessing those who curse is rooted in the hurtful wounds they cause to our hearts.  Even David struggled to bless those who cursed him.  In fact, the Psalms are filled with prayers about David’s enemies.  He poured his heart out to God about the betrayals.  See Psalm 55:12-14 and Psalm 55:20-23.  You can see that the person who betrayed him spoke “smoothly but with war in his heart”.  I think God loves our honest words!  In the last verse we see how David places this person back into God’s hands by saying, “But I will trust you”.  

Back to the phone call.  During our Daniel fast, I had specifically asked God to clarify a relationship for me.  Two days after uttering that prayer, clarification came with this unexpected phone call.  It revealed new exposure to a person who is an enemy.  This person’s past behavior has been destructive toward me and my children. There was relief in the clear answer to prayer but then the gulp in my heart at the challenge it presented.  My prayers immediately shifted. 

How do I bless this person who has cursed me?  Really God?! I agreed to write about exchanging curses for blessings. I am able to hold my tongue but the deeper part of my heart struggles with how in the world do I bless this person? I am completely frozen.  There is the question.  How do I exchange cursing with blessing?  This is the test of my faith.  My prayers are just like David.  Don’t you see God what this person has done to me?  My heart continues to beg God for attention to this matter. I wish I could say blessings simply roll off my tongue for this person.  Instead, it is a prayer just like David’s and I trust them to God. In fact, the first verse that came to mind and my first prayer is that no weapon formed against me will prosper (Isaiah 54:17).  In some ways I am stuck there so how do I move forward?

I think blessing instead of cursing will require baby steps.  Just like a baby practices talking or walking I will have to take one step at a time.  

Here are my 4 steps/levels.  

• Level 1:  Trust them to God.  Speak frustrations to Him. Then ask Him to teach us how to bless. Psalm 25:4-5  Psalm 31:1-2  Psalm 25:20-21

• Level 2:  Take thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ.  This could mean purposely stopping that thought process of ruminating.  God knows the battle in our mind and the battle we cannot see. 2 Corinthians 10:4-5  Psalm 19:14 Psalm 16:7-8 

• Level 3:  Speak life.  This does not call us to speak life to them directly.  Maybe speak life about them.  Start by simply speaking God’s word about them.  It could be praying God’s will in their life.  For example:  Father, I pray they find their hope in you (Psalm 39:7).  I pray that God will fulfill his good purpose for (insert their name) Philippians 2:14.  In the same way I sometimes put my name into scripture or my child’s name I am putting their name into the scripture. I Peter 3:9 CSB says to “not pay back evil for evil or insult for insult but, on the contrary, give a blessing, since you were called for this, so that you may inherit a blessing.”

• Level 4:  Let God speak. This level is one God would be divinely moving. In my life, a divine intervention is needed on my behalf with this individual.  I do not feel ready for a face to face encounter, yet.  God does ask us to be wise as serpents and gentle as doves.  Matthew 10:16-20 ends with this exact thought that our words become His, “because it isn’t you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father is speaking through you.”  I cannot describe how this happens but I have experienced this profound knowing what to say in a specific moment so much that I knew it was the Spirit speaking through me. Proverbs 25:11

I wish I could say I have written an article about something I mastered.  Instead, I am writing to prepare and learn.  There may be steps I cannot see and the remainder of Romans 12 also presents some practical ways to bless instead of curse.  The steps above are my baby steps to help me and I hope they help others learn to exchange curses for blessings.

Photo by Diogo Brandao on Unsplash

Happiness for Joy

The scent of lilacs, honeysuckle, and Eucalyptus. A cool breeze ruffling my hair while the sun warms my shoulders. The chuckle my husband lets out when I surprise him with a joke or dry comment. The cuddles and puppy kisses my dog gives in the mornings. All of these things bring happiness to my heart and mind. 

But that happiness is just as fleeting the next moment when something goes wrong. Along with the scents of flowers comes oppressive humidity, the warmth on my shoulders becomes a sunburn, or the puppy cuddles result in the dog running when he’s let out to do his business.  

Happiness itself means “the state of being happy (showing pleasure or contentment)”. Contentment is fleeting when it relies on outside forces such as the weather, family, jobs, or hobbies. 

But something even better than happiness is available to all of us: Joy. In John 15:9-11 Jesus said, 

“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.”

Joy is a feeling of great pleasure or happiness. While I am made happy by God’s creation I am even more happy knowing that Jesus is inside of me and sharing his love and joy. 

Last week we had a worship night at church and amongst all the struggles I was/am dealing with it was so nice to stop and just sing praises to God. I can feel peace and joy when I focus on my heavenly Father. I know that he is powerful, faithful, loving, and forgiving.

Where do you find your happiness? Do you find it comes and goes from moment to moment? If so it might be because you’ve put your happiness into things of this world instead of the consistent happiness that can be found in God.

Bethany Thomas is the Publicity Coordinator and a contributing writer for Shaken & Stirred. She is a daughter of God, a wife, and a dog mom. When not writing for the blog, you are most likely to find her reading a fantasy novel or crafting at her home in Sapulpa, OK.

Photo by Jacqueline Munguía on Unsplash

Plan for Purpose // Mary Swafford

If you’ve read any of my blogs from the past, you already know that I became a Christian when I was around 8 years old at a Vacation Bible School program at my local church.  It was during this time, when I not only had a very real encounter with Christ for the first time, but also when He called me to missions.

The call to missions created a stirring in my heart that I didn’t understand.  I was already in ballet at the time.  I LOVED ballet.  I wanted nothing more than to be a professional ballet dancer for the American Ballet Company in New York.  I spent many years focused on this dream.  By the time I was 16, I was probably dancing 30 hours a week and the call to missions was a distant memory.  

This same summer, while I was at Falls Creek with my church’s youth group, my right ankle swelled up the size of a cantaloupe for no apparent reason.  I’m sure there must have been a great deal of pain involved as well, but I only remember the extreme swelling.  The swelling and presumed pain kept me from being able to dance when I returned home.  The details of the next year are foggy by now, but I know they were riddled with Dr’s appointments and tests and x-rays.  Cortisone shots and draining of fluid off of my ankle.  The more I was poked and prodded the more arthritis they found.  Both big toes, both ankles, both knees, both hips, my neck.  You see how this is going.  Eventually it was decided I had osteoarthritis (very uncommon in 16 year olds) and at one point I was even told that if I wanted to walk by the time I was 18 I had to quit ballet.

My world was shattered in an instant.  Everything I had planned for, trained for, dreamed of was over.  MY whole purpose in life had been to be a ballet dancer.  I didn’t know who I was without ballet.  I didn’t know how I was supposed to act or what I was supposed to do.  I didn’t even know how to hang out with friends because I had always been at the dance studio.  

I spent the next many years trying to fill a void in me that I thought could only be occupied by ballet.  I tried to find my identity and purpose in other things and other people.  Often drinking alcohol and going to parties.  But all of these only left me more empty.  More ashamed.  More broken.

One day, in the still quiet of my bedroom, I heard a whisper that was louder than a scream ask me, “What are you doing?” and in an instant God showed me exactly where my life was headed if I continued to seek purpose and fulfillment in the things of this world.  He told me, “I didn’t create you for this!”

You see, purpose isn’t found in a program, a plan, a curriculum or even a bunch of activities.  Purpose is a person.  The person of Jesus!  Purpose is a byproduct of a Jesus encounter.  You can’t separate purpose from His presence.  We can’t have purpose without His presence in our lives.  The good news is that He promises believers that we will always have His presence;

“And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” 
Matthew 28:20

My problem wasn't that God had left me to suffer alone.  He was with me all along, but I wasn’t sitting in His presence.

When we seek Jesus, we will find Him AND His purpose for our lives.

“Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you.  You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.” 
Jeremiah 29:12-13

This is how we find our identity and purpose because the Lord reveals His plans for us when we are in His presence!  If you want to be who God is calling you to be, you must prioritize time with the Person, not the plan.  God wants His presence to be enough for you.  He wants to be your main desire.  When His presence becomes your pursuit, He will reveal His plan!!

A week ago, a good friend sent the following to me and I think it sums up perfectly what God’s plan is for my life:

My life is not about my ministry.

It's not about my calling or my accomplishments.

It's not about writing a book or about gaining followers.

No.

My life's purpose is to worship my Savior.

It is to walk with Him and learn from Him.

It is to know His heart.

My life is about drawing closer to Him and letting

the things of this world fall away.  My life is about living a life that is pleasing to Him.

My life is about dying to my own wants, desires

and plans and instead being filled with His Spirit

and transformed into His image.

My life isn't my own.

I have laid it down for Him.

I have placed it in His hands to do as He wants.

I want to be so full of the Living God that I then overflow onto other areas of my life.

Ministry is not my purpose but it is part of the overflow. Motherhood is not my purpose but it is part of the overflow. Writing is not my purpose but it is part of the overflow.

If I seek Him first then I will be successful at all these other things. I want to be so full of His presence that people feel Him when I am around.

I want to carry Him with me everywhere I go and in everything I do.

My purpose is to know Him.

To love Him.

To worship Him.

And then carry His Spirit in me for

others to know Him.

I don't ever want to get so caught up in how He will use me that I forget to get caught up in His presence first.

I want to be so caught up in His love that then He uses me how He sees fit.

All for His glory.

Forever and ever.

Mary Swafford is the founder of Shaken & Stirred, Meals that Matter, Coffee Talk, and a Co-Owner of Boulder Coffee in downtown Sand Springs. She is a wife, a mother of 3 beautiful children, but most importantly a daughter of the most high God. You are likely to find her chugging or serving coffee, sitting in a tattooist’s chair, or making friends out of strangers.

Photo by Alexandre Tsuchiya on Unsplash

Worry for Peace

This is the season of exchange. We shed the year before and bask in the hope and possibilities of a brand new year. I personally, was very excited to turn the page on my physical planner to the fresh month of January and got a little thrill out of placing stickers and important dates in the clean, clear boxes. 

Not only do we exchange the 2022 calendar for 2023. We also take a look at goals we want to accomplish in the new year. I would like to lose weight and to be even more active in 2023. I want to exchange my couch in the living room for my kayak in the creek. I yearn to spend hours reading in my hammock and to write every chance I get.  

But what is the one thing I wish to exchange this year? Worry.

I want to exchange my worries for the peace that only God can bring.    

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”

John 14:27

Already, this year I feel like I have a lot to worry about. My car’s transmission went out and my husband’s car, which I’m now driving, has an alternator that is on the way out. I worry about the state of my house and the clutter that is piling up and because I’m so stressed I feel almost catatonic. 

Whew. But,

“The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him. 

Psalm 28:7

If God is protecting, loving, and holding me up surly I can exchange my needless, worthless worry and have true peace. I can already see his hand on my life with the blessings that I’ve experienced. 

I’m going to list some of the blessings from the past 4 week,   

1. God was with us, as he always was, when my car’s transmission went out. He was the one that prepared the way for us to not only get our car to an open dealership on December 23rd. But to have a rental car meant for us to continue our Christmas trip to my family.

2. I have amazing in-laws who are generously lending us a vehicle so my husband can get to work. 

3. Thanks to the wisdom I’ve learned from Financial Peace University (Dave Ramsey) we had money budgeted that could be used to purchase an alternator. 

4. God blessed us with friends who were willing to drop what they were doing and help Charles and me replace the broken alternator. 

God is good! 

This morning I pray that you can dwell on what God is doing in the background and give up the stress of needing to work out everything for yourself.

Bethany Thomas is the Publicity Coordinator and a contributing writer for Shaken & Stirred. She is a daughter of God, a wife, and a dog mom. When not writing for the blog, you are most likely to find her reading a fantasy novel or crafting at her home in Sapulpa, OK.

Photo by rocknwool on Unsplash

Safe // Mary Swafford

This is the final blog in the “Romans Road to Salvation” blog series and I have to say, these have been THE most difficult blogs to write for me.  I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we’ve gone about 3 weeks without a blog and that’s totally MY fault.

Not only am I a procrastinator, as I’ve shared with you before, but every single time I dedicate time to reading and praying over what to write my day goes to pot.  I’m so tired I can’t stay awake, I have sinus crud, I’m so stressed I’m a ball of nerves or my emotions are all over the place and I just want to sit in a dark corner and cry.  My son has promised to watch the puppy quietly in the other room so I can concentrate, but all I can hear is him squeaking her toys, yelling because she’s chewing on something or complaining about her smelly farts.  Yes.  I just mentioned farts in a women’s ministry blog.  

But this is SO important.   This message is SO important.  This ministry is SO important.  God’s word is his love letter to his people.  The book of Romans is Paul’s love letter to God’s people and this blog is my love letter to you.  

God’s promise was ALWAYS to bring a savior for EVERYONE.  

In our first blog of this series, we discussed Romans 3:23 and how we are all sinners and fall short of God’s glory, but because of God’s love for us we can rest in the fact that;

“God, in his grace, freely makes us right in his sight. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins.” 
Romans 3:24.”

And the penalty of our sin was death.  That’s what we deserve.  God knew that we could never measure up on our own.  There aren’t enough laws or good intentions that will ever get us into eternity with God.  So he sent his son Jesus to die on the cross, taking our shame and guilt in our place and nailed it to the cross with him.

“He gave his life to purchase freedom for everyone. This is the message God gave to the world at just the right time.”  
1 Timothy 2:6

We have freedom in Jesus.  All of us.  Everyone.  And the good news is that this freedom is available to you and to me.  

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” 
John 14:6

He bought the ticket and he stands ready to hand it over to me and to you.  And you know how we receive it?  We must receive him.  We must believe that he is the son of God.

“If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” 
Romans 10:9

That’s it.  YOU.  Right here.  Right now.  Get right with God.  It’s as close as your mouth and your heart.  For it is with your heart you believe.  And it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved.  It’s so simple.  But why is it so important for these two things to occur?  Think about it.  Your heart directs your life.  It’s your decision driver.  And your mouth is your commitment maker.  Proclaim Jesus as Lord of your life and that’s all it takes.  If you believe that Jesus is alive and that he conquered death then you are saved.

“For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved.” 
Romans 10:13

Just like Paul wrote in the beginning of chapter 10, I paraphrase for you.  

Dear sisters, the longing of my heart and my prayer to God is for the women of Shaken & Stirred, Sand Springs and beyond to be saved.  Some don’t understand God’s way of making people right with himself.  They refuse to accept God’s way.  They cling to their own way of getting right with God by trying to follow rules or keep up appearances.  But Christ Jesus has already done the work.  As a result, all who believe in him are made right with God. 

This is my prayer for you today and every day.  Whether I seem to have it all together and I’m getting things done or I’m stuck talking about puppy farts with an 11 year old boy.   I love you! 

Mary Swafford is the founder of Shaken & Stirred, Meals that Matter, Coffee Talk, and a Co-Owner of Boulder Coffee in downtown Sand Springs. She is a wife, a mother of 3 beautiful children, but most importantly a daughter of the most high God. You are likely to find her chugging or serving coffee, sitting in a tattooist’s chair, or making friends out of strangers.

Photo by Becca Tapert on Unsplash

Confess

On a winter night, 25 years ago, I was snuggled into my warm comforter on the top bunk. I remember looking up at the popcorn ceiling and thinking. “God lives on that half of the ceiling and Satan lives on that half” my arm sweeping through the air marking out the boundaries between the two places. You see,I was still trying to understand the concept of where, physically, God and Satan lived. 

Not long after, I asked Jesus to live inside my heart. I’m going to be honest though, I don’t really remember the event. At times, I worry. Does Jesus really live inside my heart? I actually confessed this fear to my Husband when we were dating.

We were heading west down 71st street and I shared my worry. 

“Maybe because I can’t pinpoint the exact hour in my mind, I never was truly saved.” 

He gave me a look and said, “Well, do you believe that Jesus is the Son of God?”        

“Yes.” I replied

“Do you want him to live in your heart?”

“Of course!” 

“Then you are saved.” He said with a nod. 

Romans 10:9 says, 

“If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”

God knows my heart and knows the year, the day, the hour, the minute, the second, the millisecond I became his daughter. Even if I can’t recall for the sure. Does that make me less saved? No, I don’t believe so. Does it make my story different? Yes. It is harder for me to know if my life is different from the time before I was saved to after I was. I hadn’t done that much living yet. But I do know that when I’m not pursuing God in his Word or in my prayers, I feel the difference. 

Have you seen a difference in your day to day life when you read the Bible and pray? Have you ever had a moment where you questioned your own salvation? You are not alone. Go to God and have a chat, talk it out. He is always there waiting to grab you up and say, “Welcome home, Daughter”.

Bethany Thomas is the Publicity Coordinator and a contributing writer for Shaken & Stirred. She is a daughter of God, a wife, and a dog mom. When not writing for the blog, you are most likely to find her reading a fantasy novel or crafting at her home in Sapulpa, OK.

Photo by Adrian Infernus on Unsplash

Gift

This is the perfect time of year to be thinking about gift giving. There are so many opportunities or obligations depending on how you look at it: Toy drives, food drives, clothes drives, work/church/friends Christmas parties. December is a month where we give, and receive, to the point of excess. If we are also honest with ourselves there is also that feeling like you have to reciprocate if someone buys you a gift you didn’t expect.  

I’m going to be the first to admit that I get weary of all the giving. I dread Christmas parties because it can take a toll on the finances and it can be hard to know what to buy for. At this moment, I know of at least 3 gift giving obligations in the next 3 weeks and honestly, I’m not all that excited about receiving the gifts. I do look forward to the looks on the faces who receive my gifts and hope that they are excited. But what I really look forward to is being with friends and having the time to sit down and hang out. If it’s with a mug of coffee/tea/hot cocoa and a blanket all the better! 

But you know what is wonderful about this time of year? It’s a time when we can reflect on the biggest gift that was ever given and cannot be repaid. In Romans 6:23 it says, 

“For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Jesus Christ our Lord.” 

Last week Mary Swafford discussed the birth of Christ and how He came to die for our sins. But there is more to it. He came to both die for our sins and bring us eternal life with him and the Father.

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the greatness of his government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David’s throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever. The zeal of the Lord Almighty will accomplish this.
Isaiah 9:6-7

How do you repay two gifts like that? I know that the gift of forgiveness and life are items I can never hold or pay. And God will never ask us to pay him back. God only asks us to receive the gifts He has freely offered. 

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”
John 14:6

Have you given a thought to the gift God has freely offered? God has given you a gift that can be accepted all year long, whether it’s Christmas or not. His gift did not come wrapped in sparkling paper or bows, it didn’t come from the store or the re-gift closet. As you bustle about this Christmas season mull over the concept of the only truly free gift that counts. It came in the form of a baby boy born 2,000 years ago in the springtime in a town called Bethlehem. His name was and is still: Jesus. 

Bethany Thomas is the Publicity Coordinator and a contributing writer for Shaken & Stirred. She is a daughter of God, a wife, and a dog mom. When not writing for the blog, you are most likely to find her reading a fantasy novel or crafting at her home in Sapulpa, OK.

Photo by Erica Marsland Huynh on Unsplash

Love // Mary Swafford

We’re on the road to our salvation story in the Shaken & Stirred blog series.  Last week Chelynn talked about how 

“all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God”,
Romans 3:23.  

Today I am here to talk about Romans 5:8,

“But God demonstrates his love for us in this, while we were still sinners Christ died for us.”

I have been thinking and praying about what to write.  It would be easy to give you a laundry list of my greatest sins….lies, rebellion, deceit, disrespect, etc. But God reminded me this morning that I am not the main character in my salvation story.  I am not the most important part.  He is.  My salvation story is not so much about what I’ve done in my life that needs forgiveness, but what Christ has done for me.  He is the main character in my salvation story.  My restoration story.

So I want to tell you more about Him.  

“But when the right time came, God sent his Son, born of a woman, subject to the law”
Galatians 4:4

God’s timing is so incredible, too.  Every day is a great day to tell you about Jesus, but what better time than during the Christmas season we are in?  As we’ll talk about, God is never late.  He is never early.  He is always right on time. 

It was not the birth itself that was special.  Or the location of a cowshed or manger.  Nor were the shepherds that came to see.  It was the Son of God that made this birth miraculous.  Jesus, the Lord of Lords and King of Kings.  Such a humble and lowly beginning.  Yet God was prepared to go to extraordinary lengths in order to reach us.  To reach me.  To reach you too.  

This was not the likely beginnings of a worldly king, but of a God who brings salvation, everlasting life, to his people.  His creation.  Whom He loves.  Through the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

God’s people turned their backs on Him.  Over and over again.  So he sent His son Jesus.  Born of the virgin Mary.  He lived a perfect, sinless life here on earth.  But we despised and rejected him.  

“He was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins.  He was beaten so we could be whole.  He was whipped so we could be healed…..Yet the Lord laid on him the sins of us all.” 
Isaiah 53:5-6

The Lord laid on him the sins of us all.  There is a lot of weight in those words.  I have a lot of sin.

“He gave his life to purchase freedom for everyone. This is the message God gave to the world at just the right time.”
1 Timothy 2:6

Everyone.  That’s you.  That’s me.  That’s every person that has ever been.  Past.  Present and future.  It was our sin, our wrongdoing, our wanderings away from God that He paid for.  We accumulated the bill and He was the one that paid the price, bringing peace, healing, and salvation with it.

The good news is that Christ didn’t stay dead.  Humanity put him in the grave, but the love of God, raised him to life eternal where He sits at the right hand of God for all eternity.  The good news is that Jesus offers us this same life.  A life with him forever.  

This offer is the greatest one that has ever been given.  It is the reason we live.  To say “yes” to Him is to receive the greatest joy and fulfillment one can obtain.

There is something incredibly special about the birth of a baby in a manger after all.  There in the midst of our Lord Jesus Christ, we find the hope of our hearts.  It might not look like much to some, but to those who have knelt before the Lord, who have confessed their sin and accepted His forgiveness, it is more precious and powerful than any earthly king or power or force before or since.

“For God says, At just the right time, I heard you.  On the day of salvation, I helped you.  Indeed the right time is now.  Today is the day of salvation.” 
2 Corinthians 6:2

Today, Jesus is asking if you will trust Him.  He is inviting you to experience Him and His love for you.  Will you say “yes” to Jesus?

Mary Swafford is the founder of Shaken & Stirred, Meals that Matter, Coffee Talk, and a Co-Owner of Boulder Coffee in downtown Sand Springs. She is a wife, a mother of 3 beautiful children, but most importantly a daughter of the most high God. You are likely to find her chugging or serving coffee, sitting in a tattooist’s chair, or making friends out of strangers.

Photo by Brigitte Tohm on Unsplash

Sin // Chelynn Broughton

I was only eighteen when I got married for the first time. That marriage lasted for twelve years. I will spare you the details of how it ended, but I was divorced with two children shortly after I turned thirty. This was something I had never imagined for myself. None of my immediate family had ever been divorced. My parents and sister had moved to Washington State right after I married, so I was navigating these strange waters alone.  

I was still very naive and immature when I met my second husband less than a year later. I think I fell in love with his family and their church more than anything. His father was a preacher, and his mother was an English teacher like me. They had been missionaries in Africa for a while and were very involved with their current church. They were two of the nicest people I had ever met, and they made me and my kids feel very welcome and loved. Everyone in the church was so nice to us, also. Less than a year after we met, we finished marriage counseling and had a big church wedding. God tried to tell me I was making a mistake when I had a panic attack on the wedding day, but I was the runaway bride who didn’t run away. I am a person who avoids confrontation at all costs, so there was no way I could disappoint a church full of my family and friends.

Less than a year later, I was miserable; my kids were miserable, and I figured out that most of what I thought I knew about the man I had married was mostly half-truths that he had only let me believe.  I tried hard to persevere, but I couldn’t do it anymore, so I asked him for a divorce. 

A week later, I received a call from one of the church's elders, who I knew and respected. He wanted me to meet with him at the church. Of course, I agreed, and a day was scheduled. When I showed up, I was invited into a room filled with all of the church's elders (five men). They had me sit down at a table with them and then drilled me with questions about my motives. They then told me that divorce was a sin and that I would go to hell if I went through with it. I left there angry. I had listened to the minister of that church preach multiple times that no sin was greater than any other sin and that

 “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”
Romans 3:23

Yet these men were telling me that divorce was an unforgivable sin. I’m thankful I knew the verse that follows that one:

“Yet God, in his grace, freely makes us right in his sight. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins.”
Romans 3:24

I know where I’m going when I die; it definitely won’t be hell. 

One thing I’ve learned from this experience is not to rush into anything. Acting without thinking first is usually what gets us into trouble. I didn’t think I would ever marry again after that experience, but God had other plans for me. He led me to a Christian man who treats me like the daughter of the Almighty that I am. 

“And I will be your Father, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the LORD Almighty.”
2 Corinthians 6:18

Don’t get me wrong. I know that divorce is a sin, and I felt the weight of that sin afterwards, but because of what I had read in the Bible, I knew that I would not go to hell because of my sin. If someone has tried to bully you into or out of doing something by using the Word of God against you, please know that God has given us instructions for life, and even though the Bible was written many years ago, it is alive and sharper than any two-edged sword. It is not outdated. It applies to every generation. You can find the answer to any problem you have in it. Don’t trust the words of the people around you. Search the Bible for answers to your trials and tribulations. We should seek His wisdom first in all we do, and we will be wiser and make better life choices. 

“For the Lord grants wisdom! From His mouth comes knowledge and understanding. 11 Wise choices will watch over you. Understanding will keep you safe.”
Proverbs 2:6

Chelynn is a contributing writer for Shaken and Stirred. She is a long-time daughter of Christ, a wife, mother of two amazing adult children, and Nonnie to four beautiful grandchildren. She teaches Senior English at Charles Page High School and is also a Realtor for Keller Williams. She enjoys all things summer including boating, vacationing, and swimming.

Photo by Sandy Millar on Unsplash

What You Need to Hear // Heather Dillingham

Have you ever asked a friend a question knowing their answer was something you needed to hear but didn’t necessarily want to hear? You listen, nod along, annoyed that they aren’t as fired up as you are or ‘on your side.’ Inside you know they are right but outwardly you don’t want to let it go, to forgive. I found myself in this spot recently.

My sister has gone through a lot and through it all we have continued a relationship. Sometimes stunted, but always there. One night in July however, that ended because of a misunderstanding and an overreaction. Less than a day later, my sister reached out to repair the relationship.

For context, I usually let things roll off easily but in this instance, I was blindsided by the events, angry, and full of hurt. I didn’t want to let it go. I didn’t want to forgive and heal. I wanted to be angry. I wanted to hold a grudge.

In this anger, I turned to a friend and before even telling her, I knew what would happen and without missing a beat, she calmly told me exactly what I didn’t want to hear. She said that God forgave us. She said if He was providing an opportunity to restore this relationship, I need to take it. And she said forgiveness is part of being a Christian, but the forgiveness God showed us, and the forgiveness He tells us to show others.

Ephesians 4:32 says, 

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

At this moment, I needed this. The hard knock. The grinding.

Proverbs 27:17 says, 

“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”

You see, at that moment, I needed sharpening. I was dull with anger. But part of forgiveness and being a person who can forgive well, is surrounding yourself with others who will sharpen you when you are dull.

Friends who will annoyingly remind you to be kind and compassionate. Someone who will say exactly what you DON’T want to hear but exactly what you NEED to hear.

To learn to forgive well, you need people who will help you learn to open your heart and let go of the hurt even when it’s hard. You have to use the tools God has given you to sharpen yourself and your compassion. To deal with the grinding and know it’s for your good.

That night I let myself feel my anger, I prayed, and I forgave. I can’t say the relationship is perfect, but because of God’s grace and the people He placed in my life to sharpen me, the relationship still exists.

Who are the people around you who will sharpen you? How have they worked in your life to remind you to be kind and compassionate, and helped you forgive?

Heather is a contributing writer for Shaken & Stirred. She is a believer, a wife, and a mother to a wonderful (and sometimes crazy) toddler. She enjoys reading, playing video games, and listening to podcasts. She can usually be seen taking care of the home and playing on the floor with her daughter.

Photo by michael schaffler on Unsplash

A Mother's Forgiveness // Mary Swafford

I thought last month’s theme for the blog was difficult, but forgiveness trumps obedience every time.  Forgiveness is such an intimate, personal topic.  It brings so many emotions.  I have put off writing this blog for weeks past its original due date.  In fact, if I wasn’t the Women’s Ministry Director at Church That Matters, I’m pretty sure I would’ve been fired from the writing team long before now.

I’m a procrastinator.  And when it comes to touchy, personal topics I apparently try to avoid them until I have to face it head on.  That’s how I roll.  I’m not confrontational, unless I have to be.  And then I toil and stew for so long that by the time I’ve addressed the issue, the process sucks the life out of me.

Who can relate?

What’s funny to me, though, is that obedience and forgiveness go hand in hand.  You can have obedience without forgiveness, but you can’t have forgiveness without obedience.

I had the opportunity to love on a family tonight through the gift of a meal.  I felt God leading me to do this and to pray with them while I was there.  These are the fun parts of obedience.  I love when being obedient to God involves all the fun stuff.  What I’m learning though is that true obedience and surrender only occur when you disagree.  When there is wrestling that takes place.

Have you ever wrestled with God?  I have.  Just like Jacob.

“This left Jacob all alone in the camp, and a man came and wrestled with him until the dawn began to break.  When the man saw that he would not win the match, he touched Jacob’s hip and wrenched it out of its socket.” 
Genesis 32:24-25

True obedience, the kind that causes you to wrestle with God, changes you.  Jacob walked with a limp after his experience.  I found freedom.  

If you’ve known me for the last few years, you’ve heard some of my story.  I was adopted at 6 weeks old.  I believe my mom never forgave herself for not being able to give birth to me and so she resented me.  She resented the fact that I didn’t come from her and I didn’t turn out how she imagined I would.  We fought a lot.  I was in trouble a lot.  She said a lot of mean, hurtful things.  She wanted something from me that I couldn't give.  I wanted something from her she couldn’t give me.  I moved out 3 days after I turned 18.

A few years passed.  I spent those years trying to fix our relationship, but it was never honest or genuine.  I only figured out how to act and what to say to keep her from getting upset with me.  

At 23, I was married and pregnant with my first child.  I found out mom had breast cancer.  Within 6 months the cancer spread to her brain and she became bedridden.  By this time, my son, Brendan, had just been born and I had quit my job to be a stay at home mom.  

Here is the part God wants me to share with you.   

Mom’s cancer caused her to become diabetic and she required 4 insulin shots a day.  My brother was in med school half way across the country and my dad passed out at the sight of a needle.  I had no choice but to move my newborn son and myself into my parents’ home so I could help take care of my mom and administer her shots.

Remember, she is bedridden.  I fed her, bathed her, gave her shots, changed her clothes, changed her sheets, emptied her catheter bag, etc.  All begrudgingly.  I wasn’t mean to her or rude, but I only cared for her out of obligation.

One night, after I finished feeding and bathing my 7 month old son.  Changing his clothes, changing his sheets and diapers etc. (because my dad “doesn’t do diapers” or “babies”) I was looking with love at my son and thanking God for him and for the ability to be there with him caring for him and it hit me.  God hit me.  Right in the heart.  All the things I was doing with love and care and tenderness for my son were all the things I was doing for my mom, but without tenderness, love, or care.

God showed me that I was withholding those things from her because of unforgiveness and bitterness.  He showed me how he orchestrated the timing of her dying so that I could be there to care for her.  He reminded me of his son, Jesus.  Who willingly, lovingly and tenderly gave up his life on the cross for me even though there would be times in my life that I would hurt him, deny him and resent him.  But he never withheld his love for me or from me.  

“Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love.  Because of your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins.”
Psalms 51:1

The first thing I had to do was to ask God to forgive me for choosing to hold on to unforgiveness.  I now recognized the gift that he was giving me.  Not only an opportunity to be obedient to him and lovingly care for her the way He cares for me.   But an opportunity to recognize who I am in Christ.  To be defined by Him and what He says about me and who He created me to be.

My mom ended up asking me for forgiveness before I had the opportunity to ask her for it.  I obediently humbled myself before her and gave the forgiveness she asked for.  I spent the remainder of our days together lovingly, tenderly caring for her and her needs.  Praying with her and for her.

‘ . . . Then he blessed Jacob there.” 
Genesis 32:29

My life changed when I wrestled with God and was obedient to his calling.  Then I received the blessing of God.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Modeling Forgiveness // Heather Dillingham

Asking for forgiveness is hard! Like really hard. Which is funny when you think about it. As children, one of the first things we learn is to ask for forgiveness.

But as adults, we push against the idea of becoming vulnerable, sometimes leaning on the preface of fear, but often stuck in our own pride.

This has never been more clear to me than it is now that I have a toddler who not only says what I say but does what I do.

If I yell at the dogs, she yells at the dogs. If I say a word I shouldn’t or respond poorly, she says a bad word, and the next time she is in a similar situation she responds exactly as I did.

It’s a constant reminder that I am incredibly flawed and that the way I show forgiveness affects more than just me. We are called as Christians to not only model forgiveness but to be willing to ask for it when we have messed up.

In these moments, it’s up to me as a mom and a Christian to apologize for the words and to ask for forgiveness for my actions. But in this flawed game of monkey-see-monkey-do, I am so thankful that God has given us the perfect model of forgiveness.

“Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.”
Luke 23:34

At this moment, Jesus was literally being put to death. His clothes were picked apart like quality antiques at a garage sale. He was in pain, hurting, tired, and broken. And yet, He didn’t get angry or lose His cool. Instead, He requested that God forgive them.

This action gives me hope (and sometimes conviction) that this is the example I am supposed to be for my daughter and my family. That no matter how tired or hurt I feel, I can either choose to bless or curse my family with the way I respond.

God never said forgiveness was easy. In fact, He showed us a perfect example of how forgiving is NOT easy. But never-the-less, forgiveness is what He has called us each to do. Not only by forgiving others but by being willing to let go of the fear and pride in our hearts and ask for it when needed.

So how are you modeling forgiveness? Is there someone you need to forgive or do you need to ask for forgiveness? How has Christ’s example impacted how you may respond?

Heather is a contributing writer for Shaken & Stirred. She is a believer, a wife, and a mother to a wonderful (and sometimes crazy) toddler. She enjoys reading, playing video games, and listening to podcasts. She can usually be taking care of the home and playing on the floor with her daughter.

Photo by Paul Green on Unsplash

Roads // Brandee Pait

Have you ever been mad at someone? Did you want to scream at the top of your lungs because of what someone did to you, which caused you deep emotional pain? Or, maybe it's an ugly cry, but well, that didn't make you feel better either. It's a season that nobody prays to experience and yet we do go through it. The Bible says the devil wants to kill, steal, and destroy (John 10:10). However, God doesn't say life will be all sunshine and rainbows. He says in John 16:33,

 "In the world, you will have tribulation." 

So let's look at the roads you can choose to walk through when your world turns upside down by deep hurt.

When someone hurts you and causes pain, I know most have experienced the infamous road of bitterness. It's when the pain takes over and begins to control your emotions. Oh, you know the devil is getting excited about this road. He puts it in your head that you want someone to be held accountable for their actions. Don't you want victory for the hurt they have caused (the snake asks)? Bitterness is a bad deal that makes extensive guarantees on the front end but delivers nothing you want on the back end. God knows what you need. God is about peace, and through bitterness, you turn your heart away from God. In John 14:27, Jesus says,

"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled; do not be afraid." 

God wants peace for all his children. Bitterness does not lead us to forgiveness but keeps us chained up in unforgiveness. We want results; at least, that's what the devil is telling you; however, we know as Christians that this is not the road God wants us to go down.

The road God wants for us is the road of forgiveness. This road is not easy for people; however, forgiveness is a command from God. He wants us to think about it daily as He talks about it in the Lord's Prayer, in Matthew 6:9 14-15

 "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." 

Forgiveness is not easy for our worldly selves. However, we need to think about how God gave his one and only Son for our sins. Then, it will be easier for those who go through deep hurt to start the healing process. In Colossians 3:13,

"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."

We have all been forgiven for our sins through the blood of Jesus! This is so awesome! So, when you go through deep hurt, remember what God has done for you, and when choosing forgiveness, you are choosing to begin the healing process.

Brandee Pait is the secretary of Shaken & Stirred. She's a daughter of a God, a wife, a mother of 2 amazing boys, and blessed with a daughter-in-law. She is a Registered Nurse. Brandee enjoys a Peanut Butter Baylees from Boulder Coffee (minus the coffee) with her gals at Coffee Talk.

Photo by John Lockwood on Unsplash

Necessary Forgiveness // Baylee Wilson

When I was fifteen I went on my first trip to Haiti and from that moment on I knew it would not be my last. In 2016, my husband Michael and I sold everything we owned and started working for a ministry located in Haiti. Before we moved, we noticed some things about the couple we would soon be working for that just didn’t seem like a good fit for us. We realized early on that they did things a little different than we would but it was too late to turn back. We had already sold all of our belongings and announced we were moving. 

Unfortunately, about a year into living there it came down to the point where we couldn’t turn a blind eye to some of these things we were seeing. It wasn’t only about how we were being treated, but even more so how they treated the Haitian people. They were supposed to be there to serve and show love to these people, but it seemed as if the opposite was taking place. After months of prayer we made the tough decision to move back home. 

After we came back, I was bitter. For as long as I could remember, moving to Haiti was my calling. So when it didn’t work out the way I had hoped, I wanted someone to blame. I wished failure on them. Don’t get me wrong, our time in Haiti was life changing. We saw God move in ways that I have never seen before. But because of the way our relationship ended with this ministry I was not allowing my time there to be a blessing. I was hurt and allowed my bitterness to stop God from further using us in ministry, even though I knew it’s what he wanted for our family. It had been almost a year since moving home when I realized I was still holding onto that hurt and hadn’t forgiven them. 

This couple had no idea I was still upset, my anger wasn’t affecting them at all, it was only hurting me. I was reminded of Ephesians 4:32. This verse seems so simply put yet so hard to obey. 

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

Today, I went to my fourth funeral within the last two weeks. What I’ve been reminded of over this time is just how short life is and how important relationships are. I know that some relationships seem destroyed beyond repair, maybe in your eyes that person that hurt you doesn’t deserve forgiveness. But what I’ve learned is that forgiveness is not always for the person who hurt us, but rather for us to move on from the past and look ahead to the future. When I chose forgiveness over bitterness during my time of hurt, I had allowed God to use me again in ways that may not have been possible if I had continued to hold that anger in my heart. 

Forgiveness is brave, it’s bold, & it’s necessary if we want to be more like Christ. If you chose to say YES to forgiveness today, laying down bitterness, what would look different? How could God use that obedience in your life? Join me in living out Ephesians 4:32 choosing kindness, compassion, and forgiveness, just like Jesus does and has commanded us to do. 

Photo by Justin Heap on Unsplash

Walking in Obedience // Mary Swafford

If you haven’t figured it out, our theme this month for the Shaken & Stirred blog is “obedience”. 

Obedience can be such a tough word to hear. For me it brings back memories of feeling like a failure. Throughout my childhood and into young adulthood, I never seemed to measure up to my parents’ standards and expectations. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to get it right. I couldn’t clean my room well enough, wear the right clothes, do well enough in school, choose the right friends . . . you see where this is going. I lived in a world of black and white, but I only had gray crayons if you know what I mean. 

I decided to scour the internet to find the definition of obedience. Because, you know, Google knows everything. I found the typical dictionary definition:

“compliance with an order, request, or law or submission to another's authority. "ie. children were taught to show their parents obedience"’ 

Sounds a lot like childhood. I decided to keep looking (Imagine that) and I found this explanation: 

“Another Greek word for obey in the New Testament means "to trust." According to Holman's Illustrated Bible Dictionary, a succinct definition of biblical obedience is "to hear God's Word and act accordingly.” 

I really like this one (Imagine that). 

As I thought about this definition and read through Bible passages regarding obedience, God eventually took me back to Sunday night’s Spill’in Tea event. I love God’s timing. 

If you weren’t there, Angie Rigsby gave her testimony and talked a bit about Exodus 33 and Moses leading the Israelites into the Promised Land. The more I read the words above, “to hear God’s Word and act accordingly”, the more I thought about the passages in Exodus and our discussion at our table. I thought about how much we are just like Moses, a so-called hero of the faith. But as Jimmy Shaw said in his message Sunday morning;

“...there are no heroes of the faith. There are sinners and there is Jesus. He is our hero of the faith.” 

God has been telling Moses to lead the Israelites into the Promised Land. He has told this to Moses more than once. He even has to tell Moses to “get going” and then repeats where Moses is to go. I don’t know how much time passes until we get to verse 12 when the scriptures state, 

“One day Moses said to the Lord….” 

This is where Moses, like a young Mary Swafford, confronts God and begins to question his instructions and point out where he believes God has left out some important details. Then in verse 13; 

“if it is true….” 

Moses begins to make his own demands and seemingly doubts what God has told him. Another Mary Swafford moment. Like Moses, when I have felt God leading me into something and telling me where to go or what to do, before I “act accordingly”, I start to question God. Once I believe his instruction, I then insert my own demands and doubt mine and His ability to accomplish the task. 

Lovingly, just as God does with me, He assures Moses; 

“I will personally go with you, Moses, and I will give you rest - everything will be fine for you.” 

Not only will God go with you wherever He has instructed you, but he will give you rest. Not necessarily the kind that happens on the couch with warm blankets, but a better rest. True rest in our spirit, mind and soul that can only come from God himself. 

Again the Lord assures Moses, just as he does me; 

“I will indeed do what you have asked, for I look favorably on you, and I know you by name.” 

God knows Moses and he knows me and he knows you intimately. He already knows our shortcomings and our giftings. And with all of it, He calls us to Him and to his purpose and his plan. He called Moses

to lead the Israelites to the Promised Land and he calls us to lead others to that same Promised Land. He will indeed go with us when we ask. He will make all of his goodness pass before you. And he will give you rest. 

What is God telling you to do today? I pray that you will “hear God's Word and act accordingly” and as you do, may you bask in God’s “glorious presence” Exodus 33:18

Mary Swafford is the founder of Shaken & Stirred, Meals that Matter, Coffee Talk, and a Co-Owner of Boulder Coffee in downtown Sand Springs. She is a wife, a mother of 3 beautiful children, but most importantly a daughter of the most high God. You are likely to find her chugging or serving coffee, sitting in a tattooist’s chair, or making friends out of strangers.

Photo by Krzysztof Kowalik on Unsplash