What You Need to Hear // Heather Dillingham

Have you ever asked a friend a question knowing their answer was something you needed to hear but didn’t necessarily want to hear? You listen, nod along, annoyed that they aren’t as fired up as you are or ‘on your side.’ Inside you know they are right but outwardly you don’t want to let it go, to forgive. I found myself in this spot recently.

My sister has gone through a lot and through it all we have continued a relationship. Sometimes stunted, but always there. One night in July however, that ended because of a misunderstanding and an overreaction. Less than a day later, my sister reached out to repair the relationship.

For context, I usually let things roll off easily but in this instance, I was blindsided by the events, angry, and full of hurt. I didn’t want to let it go. I didn’t want to forgive and heal. I wanted to be angry. I wanted to hold a grudge.

In this anger, I turned to a friend and before even telling her, I knew what would happen and without missing a beat, she calmly told me exactly what I didn’t want to hear. She said that God forgave us. She said if He was providing an opportunity to restore this relationship, I need to take it. And she said forgiveness is part of being a Christian, but the forgiveness God showed us, and the forgiveness He tells us to show others.

Ephesians 4:32 says, 

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

At this moment, I needed this. The hard knock. The grinding.

Proverbs 27:17 says, 

“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”

You see, at that moment, I needed sharpening. I was dull with anger. But part of forgiveness and being a person who can forgive well, is surrounding yourself with others who will sharpen you when you are dull.

Friends who will annoyingly remind you to be kind and compassionate. Someone who will say exactly what you DON’T want to hear but exactly what you NEED to hear.

To learn to forgive well, you need people who will help you learn to open your heart and let go of the hurt even when it’s hard. You have to use the tools God has given you to sharpen yourself and your compassion. To deal with the grinding and know it’s for your good.

That night I let myself feel my anger, I prayed, and I forgave. I can’t say the relationship is perfect, but because of God’s grace and the people He placed in my life to sharpen me, the relationship still exists.

Who are the people around you who will sharpen you? How have they worked in your life to remind you to be kind and compassionate, and helped you forgive?

Heather is a contributing writer for Shaken & Stirred. She is a believer, a wife, and a mother to a wonderful (and sometimes crazy) toddler. She enjoys reading, playing video games, and listening to podcasts. She can usually be seen taking care of the home and playing on the floor with her daughter.

Photo by michael schaffler on Unsplash

Personal // by Joanna Goodin

Have you ever felt overlooked or taken for granted? Maybe you feel like you are too much, or not enough? Maybe you have felt like your gifts didn’t bring as much to the table as the next lady’s. Me? Check, check, annnnd check.  I am guessing if we are all honest with ourselves, we have all felt these things at some point in our lives. Please read Luke 10:38-42 and find comfort in knowing we are all in good company. Please, know that these problems come with a solution more healing than yoga, washing your face, and a delicious cup of Boulder coffee combined.

We enter the scene in the town of Bethany, at the home of Mary and Martha. Martha has extended an invite to Jesus and his disciples. During this time, hospitality was both important and expected, just as it was expected that the lady of the house to be preparing meals and serving. Martha was acting like she was taught and most likely had the gift of service and hospitality. 

Meanwhile, her sister, Mary was sitting at the feet of Jesus and listening to Him teach. This would not have been allowed in social gatherings. Neither Mary, who was just sitting there soaking it all in, nor Jesus were phased by this deviation from cultural norms (can I get a hallelujah). But Martha was upset by this situation. Maybe she thought Mary was not behaving as a woman should and needed to be reprimanded. Or it could be that Martha was a go-getter and thought Mary a bit lackadaisical. Whatever the case, there is a lot we can learn from this passage and this week we will ask the question:

What do we learn about God?

He gets personal with us.

Here is what we do know. Jesus loved these ladies and was gently, calling them to have a relationship with Him. In fact, when Martha tells Jesus to have Mary help her, he responds by connecting with Martha and letting her know He sees her heart. He says,

“Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things.”

Luke 10:41

He calls her by name...twice. This shows the importance of what He was going to say, but also how personal He is with us. Jesus did not just let the women stand in the kitchen and overhear, He called them to come and learn. He took the time to connect with Martha, before correcting her. He corrected in a way that brought her back to a relationship, rather than demean her in public. Notice that Jesus tells Martha that Mary has chosen what is better. We will talk more about this another week, but for now just take note that He was not saying that her ways of service were wrong. Jesus was saying that at that time, Mary had chosen the He was just telling her the other option was the better one, and Mary had chosen that. We see he kind of sticks up for Mary. He defends Mary’s choice to sit and listen and learn from him, in a way that does not berate Martha. We see he longs for time spent with us at his feet. He wants to show us how well he knows us and loves us anyway. He wants us to know him and not just study him, but find joy, peace, and wisdom sitting at his feet, submitting to his presence and teachings.

 …

As more of a Mary, in my childhood, I find this comforting because I always felt I did not quite measure up. I was all about the connection and friendship. But let’s be honest, that wasn’t going to win me any praise in the busy go-getter culture we live in, at least that is how I felt. Now, as a mom and a wife, I see myself more of Martha’s tendencies mixing with my Mary qualities. Which is not necessarily a bad thing.

Where do you need to invite Jesus to minister to you this week? Do you need rest? His yoke is light. Do you need validation? He knows you and sees your heart and what is going on in your life. Do you need to be reminded of who you really are? He calls us by name, and invites us in. Take a breath sister. Whichever end of the spectrum you currently find yourself on, Jesus sees your heart, and is longing for you to connect with Him.

Please share! We love to hear from and learn from each other and don’t forget to share: What you learned about God from this visit with Mary and Martha.

Joanna is a contributing writer for Shaken and Stirred. She loves Jesus and hopes she never stops learning more about Him. She is a Life Coach working alongside women and adolescence, as well as a mom to amazing 11&13 year old young men. She loves hiking and yoga when she gets the chance to do it. She often enjoys writing, creating, coffee with a friend or book, and laughing while hanging out with her boys.

Photo by Andriyko Podilnyk on Unsplash