Have you ever asked a friend a question knowing their answer was something you needed to hear but didn’t necessarily want to hear? You listen, nod along, annoyed that they aren’t as fired up as you are or ‘on your side.’ Inside you know they are right but outwardly you don’t want to let it go, to forgive. I found myself in this spot recently.
My sister has gone through a lot and through it all we have continued a relationship. Sometimes stunted, but always there. One night in July however, that ended because of a misunderstanding and an overreaction. Less than a day later, my sister reached out to repair the relationship.
For context, I usually let things roll off easily but in this instance, I was blindsided by the events, angry, and full of hurt. I didn’t want to let it go. I didn’t want to forgive and heal. I wanted to be angry. I wanted to hold a grudge.
In this anger, I turned to a friend and before even telling her, I knew what would happen and without missing a beat, she calmly told me exactly what I didn’t want to hear. She said that God forgave us. She said if He was providing an opportunity to restore this relationship, I need to take it. And she said forgiveness is part of being a Christian, but the forgiveness God showed us, and the forgiveness He tells us to show others.
Ephesians 4:32 says,
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
At this moment, I needed this. The hard knock. The grinding.
Proverbs 27:17 says,
“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”
You see, at that moment, I needed sharpening. I was dull with anger. But part of forgiveness and being a person who can forgive well, is surrounding yourself with others who will sharpen you when you are dull.
Friends who will annoyingly remind you to be kind and compassionate. Someone who will say exactly what you DON’T want to hear but exactly what you NEED to hear.
To learn to forgive well, you need people who will help you learn to open your heart and let go of the hurt even when it’s hard. You have to use the tools God has given you to sharpen yourself and your compassion. To deal with the grinding and know it’s for your good.
That night I let myself feel my anger, I prayed, and I forgave. I can’t say the relationship is perfect, but because of God’s grace and the people He placed in my life to sharpen me, the relationship still exists.
Who are the people around you who will sharpen you? How have they worked in your life to remind you to be kind and compassionate, and helped you forgive?
Heather is a contributing writer for Shaken & Stirred. She is a believer, a wife, and a mother to a wonderful (and sometimes crazy) toddler. She enjoys reading, playing video games, and listening to podcasts. She can usually be seen taking care of the home and playing on the floor with her daughter.
Photo by michael schaffler on Unsplash