I was only eighteen when I got married for the first time. That marriage lasted for twelve years. I will spare you the details of how it ended, but I was divorced with two children shortly after I turned thirty. This was something I had never imagined for myself. None of my immediate family had ever been divorced. My parents and sister had moved to Washington State right after I married, so I was navigating these strange waters alone.
I was still very naive and immature when I met my second husband less than a year later. I think I fell in love with his family and their church more than anything. His father was a preacher, and his mother was an English teacher like me. They had been missionaries in Africa for a while and were very involved with their current church. They were two of the nicest people I had ever met, and they made me and my kids feel very welcome and loved. Everyone in the church was so nice to us, also. Less than a year after we met, we finished marriage counseling and had a big church wedding. God tried to tell me I was making a mistake when I had a panic attack on the wedding day, but I was the runaway bride who didn’t run away. I am a person who avoids confrontation at all costs, so there was no way I could disappoint a church full of my family and friends.
Less than a year later, I was miserable; my kids were miserable, and I figured out that most of what I thought I knew about the man I had married was mostly half-truths that he had only let me believe. I tried hard to persevere, but I couldn’t do it anymore, so I asked him for a divorce.
A week later, I received a call from one of the church's elders, who I knew and respected. He wanted me to meet with him at the church. Of course, I agreed, and a day was scheduled. When I showed up, I was invited into a room filled with all of the church's elders (five men). They had me sit down at a table with them and then drilled me with questions about my motives. They then told me that divorce was a sin and that I would go to hell if I went through with it. I left there angry. I had listened to the minister of that church preach multiple times that no sin was greater than any other sin and that
“all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”
Romans 3:23
Yet these men were telling me that divorce was an unforgivable sin. I’m thankful I knew the verse that follows that one:
“Yet God, in his grace, freely makes us right in his sight. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins.”
Romans 3:24
I know where I’m going when I die; it definitely won’t be hell.
One thing I’ve learned from this experience is not to rush into anything. Acting without thinking first is usually what gets us into trouble. I didn’t think I would ever marry again after that experience, but God had other plans for me. He led me to a Christian man who treats me like the daughter of the Almighty that I am.
“And I will be your Father, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the LORD Almighty.”
2 Corinthians 6:18
Don’t get me wrong. I know that divorce is a sin, and I felt the weight of that sin afterwards, but because of what I had read in the Bible, I knew that I would not go to hell because of my sin. If someone has tried to bully you into or out of doing something by using the Word of God against you, please know that God has given us instructions for life, and even though the Bible was written many years ago, it is alive and sharper than any two-edged sword. It is not outdated. It applies to every generation. You can find the answer to any problem you have in it. Don’t trust the words of the people around you. Search the Bible for answers to your trials and tribulations. We should seek His wisdom first in all we do, and we will be wiser and make better life choices.
“For the Lord grants wisdom! From His mouth comes knowledge and understanding. 11 Wise choices will watch over you. Understanding will keep you safe.”
Proverbs 2:6
Chelynn is a contributing writer for Shaken and Stirred. She is a long-time daughter of Christ, a wife, mother of two amazing adult children, and Nonnie to four beautiful grandchildren. She teaches Senior English at Charles Page High School and is also a Realtor for Keller Williams. She enjoys all things summer including boating, vacationing, and swimming.
Photo by Sandy Millar on Unsplash