Circle of Friends // Chelynn Broughton

If I asked you to make a list of every friend you’ve ever had since you were little, you would probably think I was asking for the impossible. I know that I wouldn’t be able to do it.  Friends are important to all of us. From a very young age, we begin developing relationships with people we meet at daycare, school, church, or our neighborhood, and we usually have that one friend who we call our bff. We want to share everything with that friend including sleepovers, clothes, activities, and secrets. This friend strengthens our imagination as we explore the world with them by our side. As we age and sometimes move around, we lose these friends and gain new ones. If we’re lucky, we find another best friend. When we become teenagers, we don’t want to do anything or go anywhere without our friends. Our entire world revolves around them. We fight and make up. We laugh and cry with them. They stick with us through thick and thin. I’m sure you’re thinking about those friends as you read this. I know that I am. When we graduate from high school, for multiple reasons, we tend to lose contact with those friends, but as adults, we make new friends. We tend to feel incomplete without a friend in our life. Because we are made in God’s image, we were made for relationships. Adam knew pretty quickly that he could not be happy without a “helper” who was just right for him, his bff, so to speak. 

Someone once told me that there are two types of friends: basement friends who pull you down and attic friends who lift you up.  Basement friends will gossip about you when you’re not around. They will share your secrets with others. They will encourage you to do things that might get you in trouble. They are never there when you need them, but they expect you to drop everything when they need you. 

There are friends who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.
Proverbs 18:24

Attic friends will go to their graves with your secrets; they have your back in every situation; they only want what’s best for you, so they will be honest even if it hurts, and they make you feel like a better person when you’re around them.

In the book of Job, God gives us an example of attic friends. In this story, Job has experienced great loss, including the death of his children, his servants, his livestock, and his health. 

When three of Job’s friends heard of the tragedy he had suffered, they got together and traveled from their homes to comfort and console him…

When they saw Job from a distance, they scarcely recognized him. Wailing loudly, they tore their robes and threw dust into the air over their heads to show their grief. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words.
Job 2:11-13

Do you have friends like this? They may not know exactly what to say when you’re hurting, but they are sad because you’re sad, and they will hand you the tissues as you cry and not leave your side until you’re better.

We should regularly take time to evaluate our friendships and make sure that our friend choices are the right ones. Can you describe them as loyal friends who are there for you? If they are, make sure you let them know how much you value them. If not, maybe you need to  “exchange” them for those who you can trust. What Michael Wilson said on Sunday about spouses needing to both have Jesus as their number one goes with friendships as well. If both friends are focused on Jesus as their number one, then it will tighten the friendship as well.

A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need.
Proverbs 17:17

Another thing to consider is what kind of friend are you? If you can’t say that you’re an attic friend, then maybe you need to work on that as well. Pray that God will enlighten you and make you a better friend to those in your circle of friends.

As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.
Proverbs 27:17

*If you’re looking for friends who have the correct focus, join us on Saturday mornings at Boulder Coffee at 10:00 for Coffee Talk or come to our annual Shaken & Stirred event this Sunday, February 19th, at CTM for a spirit-filled time of praise and worship with other like-minded women.

Chelynn is a contributing writer for Shaken and Stirred. She is a long-time daughter of Christ, a wife, mother of two amazing adult children, and Nonnie to four beautiful grandchildren. She teaches Senior English at Charles Page High School and is also a Realtor for Keller Williams. She enjoys all things summer including boating, vacationing, and swimming.

Photo by Simon Maage on Unsplash

What You Need to Hear // Heather Dillingham

Have you ever asked a friend a question knowing their answer was something you needed to hear but didn’t necessarily want to hear? You listen, nod along, annoyed that they aren’t as fired up as you are or ‘on your side.’ Inside you know they are right but outwardly you don’t want to let it go, to forgive. I found myself in this spot recently.

My sister has gone through a lot and through it all we have continued a relationship. Sometimes stunted, but always there. One night in July however, that ended because of a misunderstanding and an overreaction. Less than a day later, my sister reached out to repair the relationship.

For context, I usually let things roll off easily but in this instance, I was blindsided by the events, angry, and full of hurt. I didn’t want to let it go. I didn’t want to forgive and heal. I wanted to be angry. I wanted to hold a grudge.

In this anger, I turned to a friend and before even telling her, I knew what would happen and without missing a beat, she calmly told me exactly what I didn’t want to hear. She said that God forgave us. She said if He was providing an opportunity to restore this relationship, I need to take it. And she said forgiveness is part of being a Christian, but the forgiveness God showed us, and the forgiveness He tells us to show others.

Ephesians 4:32 says, 

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

At this moment, I needed this. The hard knock. The grinding.

Proverbs 27:17 says, 

“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”

You see, at that moment, I needed sharpening. I was dull with anger. But part of forgiveness and being a person who can forgive well, is surrounding yourself with others who will sharpen you when you are dull.

Friends who will annoyingly remind you to be kind and compassionate. Someone who will say exactly what you DON’T want to hear but exactly what you NEED to hear.

To learn to forgive well, you need people who will help you learn to open your heart and let go of the hurt even when it’s hard. You have to use the tools God has given you to sharpen yourself and your compassion. To deal with the grinding and know it’s for your good.

That night I let myself feel my anger, I prayed, and I forgave. I can’t say the relationship is perfect, but because of God’s grace and the people He placed in my life to sharpen me, the relationship still exists.

Who are the people around you who will sharpen you? How have they worked in your life to remind you to be kind and compassionate, and helped you forgive?

Heather is a contributing writer for Shaken & Stirred. She is a believer, a wife, and a mother to a wonderful (and sometimes crazy) toddler. She enjoys reading, playing video games, and listening to podcasts. She can usually be seen taking care of the home and playing on the floor with her daughter.

Photo by michael schaffler on Unsplash