What You Need to Hear // Heather Dillingham

Have you ever asked a friend a question knowing their answer was something you needed to hear but didn’t necessarily want to hear? You listen, nod along, annoyed that they aren’t as fired up as you are or ‘on your side.’ Inside you know they are right but outwardly you don’t want to let it go, to forgive. I found myself in this spot recently.

My sister has gone through a lot and through it all we have continued a relationship. Sometimes stunted, but always there. One night in July however, that ended because of a misunderstanding and an overreaction. Less than a day later, my sister reached out to repair the relationship.

For context, I usually let things roll off easily but in this instance, I was blindsided by the events, angry, and full of hurt. I didn’t want to let it go. I didn’t want to forgive and heal. I wanted to be angry. I wanted to hold a grudge.

In this anger, I turned to a friend and before even telling her, I knew what would happen and without missing a beat, she calmly told me exactly what I didn’t want to hear. She said that God forgave us. She said if He was providing an opportunity to restore this relationship, I need to take it. And she said forgiveness is part of being a Christian, but the forgiveness God showed us, and the forgiveness He tells us to show others.

Ephesians 4:32 says, 

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

At this moment, I needed this. The hard knock. The grinding.

Proverbs 27:17 says, 

“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”

You see, at that moment, I needed sharpening. I was dull with anger. But part of forgiveness and being a person who can forgive well, is surrounding yourself with others who will sharpen you when you are dull.

Friends who will annoyingly remind you to be kind and compassionate. Someone who will say exactly what you DON’T want to hear but exactly what you NEED to hear.

To learn to forgive well, you need people who will help you learn to open your heart and let go of the hurt even when it’s hard. You have to use the tools God has given you to sharpen yourself and your compassion. To deal with the grinding and know it’s for your good.

That night I let myself feel my anger, I prayed, and I forgave. I can’t say the relationship is perfect, but because of God’s grace and the people He placed in my life to sharpen me, the relationship still exists.

Who are the people around you who will sharpen you? How have they worked in your life to remind you to be kind and compassionate, and helped you forgive?

Heather is a contributing writer for Shaken & Stirred. She is a believer, a wife, and a mother to a wonderful (and sometimes crazy) toddler. She enjoys reading, playing video games, and listening to podcasts. She can usually be seen taking care of the home and playing on the floor with her daughter.

Photo by michael schaffler on Unsplash

Modeling Forgiveness // Heather Dillingham

Asking for forgiveness is hard! Like really hard. Which is funny when you think about it. As children, one of the first things we learn is to ask for forgiveness.

But as adults, we push against the idea of becoming vulnerable, sometimes leaning on the preface of fear, but often stuck in our own pride.

This has never been more clear to me than it is now that I have a toddler who not only says what I say but does what I do.

If I yell at the dogs, she yells at the dogs. If I say a word I shouldn’t or respond poorly, she says a bad word, and the next time she is in a similar situation she responds exactly as I did.

It’s a constant reminder that I am incredibly flawed and that the way I show forgiveness affects more than just me. We are called as Christians to not only model forgiveness but to be willing to ask for it when we have messed up.

In these moments, it’s up to me as a mom and a Christian to apologize for the words and to ask for forgiveness for my actions. But in this flawed game of monkey-see-monkey-do, I am so thankful that God has given us the perfect model of forgiveness.

“Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.”
Luke 23:34

At this moment, Jesus was literally being put to death. His clothes were picked apart like quality antiques at a garage sale. He was in pain, hurting, tired, and broken. And yet, He didn’t get angry or lose His cool. Instead, He requested that God forgive them.

This action gives me hope (and sometimes conviction) that this is the example I am supposed to be for my daughter and my family. That no matter how tired or hurt I feel, I can either choose to bless or curse my family with the way I respond.

God never said forgiveness was easy. In fact, He showed us a perfect example of how forgiving is NOT easy. But never-the-less, forgiveness is what He has called us each to do. Not only by forgiving others but by being willing to let go of the fear and pride in our hearts and ask for it when needed.

So how are you modeling forgiveness? Is there someone you need to forgive or do you need to ask for forgiveness? How has Christ’s example impacted how you may respond?

Heather is a contributing writer for Shaken & Stirred. She is a believer, a wife, and a mother to a wonderful (and sometimes crazy) toddler. She enjoys reading, playing video games, and listening to podcasts. She can usually be taking care of the home and playing on the floor with her daughter.

Photo by Paul Green on Unsplash

Roads // Brandee Pait

Have you ever been mad at someone? Did you want to scream at the top of your lungs because of what someone did to you, which caused you deep emotional pain? Or, maybe it's an ugly cry, but well, that didn't make you feel better either. It's a season that nobody prays to experience and yet we do go through it. The Bible says the devil wants to kill, steal, and destroy (John 10:10). However, God doesn't say life will be all sunshine and rainbows. He says in John 16:33,

 "In the world, you will have tribulation." 

So let's look at the roads you can choose to walk through when your world turns upside down by deep hurt.

When someone hurts you and causes pain, I know most have experienced the infamous road of bitterness. It's when the pain takes over and begins to control your emotions. Oh, you know the devil is getting excited about this road. He puts it in your head that you want someone to be held accountable for their actions. Don't you want victory for the hurt they have caused (the snake asks)? Bitterness is a bad deal that makes extensive guarantees on the front end but delivers nothing you want on the back end. God knows what you need. God is about peace, and through bitterness, you turn your heart away from God. In John 14:27, Jesus says,

"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled; do not be afraid." 

God wants peace for all his children. Bitterness does not lead us to forgiveness but keeps us chained up in unforgiveness. We want results; at least, that's what the devil is telling you; however, we know as Christians that this is not the road God wants us to go down.

The road God wants for us is the road of forgiveness. This road is not easy for people; however, forgiveness is a command from God. He wants us to think about it daily as He talks about it in the Lord's Prayer, in Matthew 6:9 14-15

 "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." 

Forgiveness is not easy for our worldly selves. However, we need to think about how God gave his one and only Son for our sins. Then, it will be easier for those who go through deep hurt to start the healing process. In Colossians 3:13,

"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."

We have all been forgiven for our sins through the blood of Jesus! This is so awesome! So, when you go through deep hurt, remember what God has done for you, and when choosing forgiveness, you are choosing to begin the healing process.

Brandee Pait is the secretary of Shaken & Stirred. She's a daughter of a God, a wife, a mother of 2 amazing boys, and blessed with a daughter-in-law. She is a Registered Nurse. Brandee enjoys a Peanut Butter Baylees from Boulder Coffee (minus the coffee) with her gals at Coffee Talk.

Photo by John Lockwood on Unsplash