When presented with the opportunity to write I jumped at the chance. I had an idea in my head of what I felt moved to write. This would be easy peasy! Something already on my heart makes for quick writing. However, as soon as I committed, the challenge presented itself in the form of a phone call (more on that later).
One of my favorite movie lines from the movie Bambi is, “If you can’t say anything nice then don’t say anything at all”. It’s easy to speak without a thought or care. Some of us girls have the gift of gab and if you are like me you are probably a verbal processor. I feel and share with words. I have close friends who help me to safely process thoughts.
As moms we remember the first words of our children. We teach our kids to use their words and speak up. We speak prayers both audible and silent. We sing praises with words. We feel the striving conflict of back talk, gossip, hurtful words, and broken relationships. We bask in the warmth of affirming words, accomplishment, encouragement, and kindness. We read words, hear words, feel words and our days are consumed with words from beginning to end. We can each recall moments when words affected our hearts negatively or positively. If we admit it, we have conversations with people that infiltrate our thought life without ever having their physical presence.
Scripture describes the power of words by characterizing them as fire, snare, sharp, death or life. Words lift, heal, and strengthen or they can tear down, destroy, diminish or cause death in someone’s soul.
Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
and those who love it will eat its fruit.
Proverbs 18:21 (CSB)
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.
Romans 12:14
In Matthew 5:43 - 47 and Luke 6:27-28 we are instructed to bless those who curse us. That loving those who love us is what unbelievers do because it is easy. Clearly, loving those who are easy to love presents no challenge to our faith but we must examine scripture more fully. God does not ask us to flatter or be deceptive in our speech either. I think the tension with blessing those who curse is rooted in the hurtful wounds they cause to our hearts. Even David struggled to bless those who cursed him. In fact, the Psalms are filled with prayers about David’s enemies. He poured his heart out to God about the betrayals. See Psalm 55:12-14 and Psalm 55:20-23. You can see that the person who betrayed him spoke “smoothly but with war in his heart”. I think God loves our honest words! In the last verse we see how David places this person back into God’s hands by saying, “But I will trust you”.
Back to the phone call. During our Daniel fast, I had specifically asked God to clarify a relationship for me. Two days after uttering that prayer, clarification came with this unexpected phone call. It revealed new exposure to a person who is an enemy. This person’s past behavior has been destructive toward me and my children. There was relief in the clear answer to prayer but then the gulp in my heart at the challenge it presented. My prayers immediately shifted.
How do I bless this person who has cursed me? Really God?! I agreed to write about exchanging curses for blessings. I am able to hold my tongue but the deeper part of my heart struggles with how in the world do I bless this person? I am completely frozen. There is the question. How do I exchange cursing with blessing? This is the test of my faith. My prayers are just like David. Don’t you see God what this person has done to me? My heart continues to beg God for attention to this matter. I wish I could say blessings simply roll off my tongue for this person. Instead, it is a prayer just like David’s and I trust them to God. In fact, the first verse that came to mind and my first prayer is that no weapon formed against me will prosper (Isaiah 54:17). In some ways I am stuck there so how do I move forward?
I think blessing instead of cursing will require baby steps. Just like a baby practices talking or walking I will have to take one step at a time.
Here are my 4 steps/levels.
Level 1: Trust them to God. Speak frustrations to Him. Then ask Him to teach us how to bless. Psalm 25:4-5 Psalm 31:1-2 Psalm 25:20-21
Level 2: Take thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ. This could mean purposely stopping that thought process of ruminating. God knows the battle in our mind and the battle we cannot see. 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 Psalm 19:14 Psalm 16:7-8
Level 3: Speak life. This does not call us to speak life to them directly. Maybe speak life about them. Start by simply speaking God’s word about them. It could be praying God’s will in their life. For example: Father, I pray they find their hope in you (Psalm 39:7). I pray that God will fulfill his good purpose for (insert their name) Philippians 2:14. In the same way I sometimes put my name into scripture or my child’s name I am putting their name into the scripture. I Peter 3:9 CSB says to “not pay back evil for evil or insult for insult but, on the contrary, give a blessing, since you were called for this, so that you may inherit a blessing.”
Level 4: Let God speak. This level is one God would be divinely moving. In my life, a divine intervention is needed on my behalf with this individual. I do not feel ready for a face to face encounter, yet. God does ask us to be wise as serpents and gentle as doves. Matthew 10:16-20 ends with this exact thought that our words become His, “because it isn’t you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father is speaking through you.” I cannot describe how this happens but I have experienced this profound knowing what to say in a specific moment so much that I knew it was the Spirit speaking through me. Proverbs 25:11
I wish I could say I have written an article about something I mastered. Instead, I am writing to prepare and learn. There may be steps I cannot see and the remainder of Romans 12 also presents some practical ways to bless instead of curse. The steps above are my baby steps to help me and I hope they help others learn to exchange curses for blessings.
Photo by Diogo Brandao on Unsplash