Conflict is a part of our broken world. While we pray your holidays are filled with joy, we know there is a real chance conflict might come into play. So how do you handle it?
Let’s continue our series with advice from Pastor Jim Stecker, Church That Matters’s Executive Pastor of Marriage and Family Biblical Guidance Counseling, and discuss holiday conflict management.
(Note: The advice below is general to most conflicts but does not include deeper wounds like abuse, neglect, etc.)
Step 1: Keep your focus.
-The holidays are about the birth of Jesus! Focus on His example and His words when dealing with conflict.
-Keep your focus on the family as a whole when confronted with conflict.
“The big thing to realize when there is conflict like that is that you aren’t the only person in the room,” said Pastor Jim pointing out his favorite verse.
“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”
James 1:19
Step 2: Take active steps.
-Pray for the other person you are in a disagreement with, especially if the disagreement is longstanding.
-Take a time-out to cool off during an exchange so you don’t say something you will need to apologize for later.
-Remain objective if you are brought into a conflict as a third party and remind both parties of the end goal as well as who is affected by their actions.
Pastor Jim reminds us, “In most situations, where the hurt feelings come is not really about the conflict itself, it’s about what we say and how we respond because we get our feelings hurt.”
Step 3: Move through or past the conflict.
-Do your best to resolve longstanding conflict before an event you know you will both be attending by reaching with a heart of reconciliation.
-Don’t make your conflict everyone else’s. Attend the event, go to the family gathering, and recognize that you can have conflict, but still be in the same room with them for the sake of the others it would affect.
“Make a phone call!” Jim urges when discussing trying to make amends before an event. He continued, “I think the key thing would be when you are put in a situation where you are in the same room, the same house, and the same setting with people that you may have strained relationships, is to be mindful of the bigger picture,” said Pastor Jim.
In the end…
Every situation can’t be resolved, and some are not something you should ever try to resolve on your own. But, with most simple conflicts, you can choose to keep your focus, take active steps, and move past or through conflict to ensure your holidays run a little smoother.
God, thank you that even when we are faced with a tough situation, You are there. Allow us to reconcile past conflict and sit in the beauty you have created, at peace with those around us. Forgive us for afflictions we may put on others, even without knowing, and remind us every day that you are the reason for this season. In Jesus Name, Amen.
If you haven’t given your life to God, or maybe you have felt a stirring but haven’t acted, God is always there for you. He waits at the door to your heart. Open it. Loosen the fear. Life won’t be without hardship, and doubts will come, but God is bigger and SO much better. We pray with you today that God draws you near and helps you see all that He has created you to be. We would love to hear from you below in the comments, on our Facebook page, or at churchthatmatters.com/connect .
