A Mother's Forgiveness // Mary Swafford

I thought last month’s theme for the blog was difficult, but forgiveness trumps obedience every time.  Forgiveness is such an intimate, personal topic.  It brings so many emotions.  I have put off writing this blog for weeks past its original due date.  In fact, if I wasn’t the Women’s Ministry Director at Church That Matters, I’m pretty sure I would’ve been fired from the writing team long before now.

I’m a procrastinator.  And when it comes to touchy, personal topics I apparently try to avoid them until I have to face it head on.  That’s how I roll.  I’m not confrontational, unless I have to be.  And then I toil and stew for so long that by the time I’ve addressed the issue, the process sucks the life out of me.

Who can relate?

What’s funny to me, though, is that obedience and forgiveness go hand in hand.  You can have obedience without forgiveness, but you can’t have forgiveness without obedience.

I had the opportunity to love on a family tonight through the gift of a meal.  I felt God leading me to do this and to pray with them while I was there.  These are the fun parts of obedience.  I love when being obedient to God involves all the fun stuff.  What I’m learning though is that true obedience and surrender only occur when you disagree.  When there is wrestling that takes place.

Have you ever wrestled with God?  I have.  Just like Jacob.

“This left Jacob all alone in the camp, and a man came and wrestled with him until the dawn began to break.  When the man saw that he would not win the match, he touched Jacob’s hip and wrenched it out of its socket.” 
Genesis 32:24-25

True obedience, the kind that causes you to wrestle with God, changes you.  Jacob walked with a limp after his experience.  I found freedom.  

If you’ve known me for the last few years, you’ve heard some of my story.  I was adopted at 6 weeks old.  I believe my mom never forgave herself for not being able to give birth to me and so she resented me.  She resented the fact that I didn’t come from her and I didn’t turn out how she imagined I would.  We fought a lot.  I was in trouble a lot.  She said a lot of mean, hurtful things.  She wanted something from me that I couldn't give.  I wanted something from her she couldn’t give me.  I moved out 3 days after I turned 18.

A few years passed.  I spent those years trying to fix our relationship, but it was never honest or genuine.  I only figured out how to act and what to say to keep her from getting upset with me.  

At 23, I was married and pregnant with my first child.  I found out mom had breast cancer.  Within 6 months the cancer spread to her brain and she became bedridden.  By this time, my son, Brendan, had just been born and I had quit my job to be a stay at home mom.  

Here is the part God wants me to share with you.   

Mom’s cancer caused her to become diabetic and she required 4 insulin shots a day.  My brother was in med school half way across the country and my dad passed out at the sight of a needle.  I had no choice but to move my newborn son and myself into my parents’ home so I could help take care of my mom and administer her shots.

Remember, she is bedridden.  I fed her, bathed her, gave her shots, changed her clothes, changed her sheets, emptied her catheter bag, etc.  All begrudgingly.  I wasn’t mean to her or rude, but I only cared for her out of obligation.

One night, after I finished feeding and bathing my 7 month old son.  Changing his clothes, changing his sheets and diapers etc. (because my dad “doesn’t do diapers” or “babies”) I was looking with love at my son and thanking God for him and for the ability to be there with him caring for him and it hit me.  God hit me.  Right in the heart.  All the things I was doing with love and care and tenderness for my son were all the things I was doing for my mom, but without tenderness, love, or care.

God showed me that I was withholding those things from her because of unforgiveness and bitterness.  He showed me how he orchestrated the timing of her dying so that I could be there to care for her.  He reminded me of his son, Jesus.  Who willingly, lovingly and tenderly gave up his life on the cross for me even though there would be times in my life that I would hurt him, deny him and resent him.  But he never withheld his love for me or from me.  

“Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love.  Because of your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins.”
Psalms 51:1

The first thing I had to do was to ask God to forgive me for choosing to hold on to unforgiveness.  I now recognized the gift that he was giving me.  Not only an opportunity to be obedient to him and lovingly care for her the way He cares for me.   But an opportunity to recognize who I am in Christ.  To be defined by Him and what He says about me and who He created me to be.

My mom ended up asking me for forgiveness before I had the opportunity to ask her for it.  I obediently humbled myself before her and gave the forgiveness she asked for.  I spent the remainder of our days together lovingly, tenderly caring for her and her needs.  Praying with her and for her.

‘ . . . Then he blessed Jacob there.” 
Genesis 32:29

My life changed when I wrestled with God and was obedient to his calling.  Then I received the blessing of God.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Modeling Forgiveness // Heather Dillingham

Asking for forgiveness is hard! Like really hard. Which is funny when you think about it. As children, one of the first things we learn is to ask for forgiveness.

But as adults, we push against the idea of becoming vulnerable, sometimes leaning on the preface of fear, but often stuck in our own pride.

This has never been more clear to me than it is now that I have a toddler who not only says what I say but does what I do.

If I yell at the dogs, she yells at the dogs. If I say a word I shouldn’t or respond poorly, she says a bad word, and the next time she is in a similar situation she responds exactly as I did.

It’s a constant reminder that I am incredibly flawed and that the way I show forgiveness affects more than just me. We are called as Christians to not only model forgiveness but to be willing to ask for it when we have messed up.

In these moments, it’s up to me as a mom and a Christian to apologize for the words and to ask for forgiveness for my actions. But in this flawed game of monkey-see-monkey-do, I am so thankful that God has given us the perfect model of forgiveness.

“Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.”
Luke 23:34

At this moment, Jesus was literally being put to death. His clothes were picked apart like quality antiques at a garage sale. He was in pain, hurting, tired, and broken. And yet, He didn’t get angry or lose His cool. Instead, He requested that God forgive them.

This action gives me hope (and sometimes conviction) that this is the example I am supposed to be for my daughter and my family. That no matter how tired or hurt I feel, I can either choose to bless or curse my family with the way I respond.

God never said forgiveness was easy. In fact, He showed us a perfect example of how forgiving is NOT easy. But never-the-less, forgiveness is what He has called us each to do. Not only by forgiving others but by being willing to let go of the fear and pride in our hearts and ask for it when needed.

So how are you modeling forgiveness? Is there someone you need to forgive or do you need to ask for forgiveness? How has Christ’s example impacted how you may respond?

Heather is a contributing writer for Shaken & Stirred. She is a believer, a wife, and a mother to a wonderful (and sometimes crazy) toddler. She enjoys reading, playing video games, and listening to podcasts. She can usually be taking care of the home and playing on the floor with her daughter.

Photo by Paul Green on Unsplash

Roads // Brandee Pait

Have you ever been mad at someone? Did you want to scream at the top of your lungs because of what someone did to you, which caused you deep emotional pain? Or, maybe it's an ugly cry, but well, that didn't make you feel better either. It's a season that nobody prays to experience and yet we do go through it. The Bible says the devil wants to kill, steal, and destroy (John 10:10). However, God doesn't say life will be all sunshine and rainbows. He says in John 16:33,

 "In the world, you will have tribulation." 

So let's look at the roads you can choose to walk through when your world turns upside down by deep hurt.

When someone hurts you and causes pain, I know most have experienced the infamous road of bitterness. It's when the pain takes over and begins to control your emotions. Oh, you know the devil is getting excited about this road. He puts it in your head that you want someone to be held accountable for their actions. Don't you want victory for the hurt they have caused (the snake asks)? Bitterness is a bad deal that makes extensive guarantees on the front end but delivers nothing you want on the back end. God knows what you need. God is about peace, and through bitterness, you turn your heart away from God. In John 14:27, Jesus says,

"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled; do not be afraid." 

God wants peace for all his children. Bitterness does not lead us to forgiveness but keeps us chained up in unforgiveness. We want results; at least, that's what the devil is telling you; however, we know as Christians that this is not the road God wants us to go down.

The road God wants for us is the road of forgiveness. This road is not easy for people; however, forgiveness is a command from God. He wants us to think about it daily as He talks about it in the Lord's Prayer, in Matthew 6:9 14-15

 "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." 

Forgiveness is not easy for our worldly selves. However, we need to think about how God gave his one and only Son for our sins. Then, it will be easier for those who go through deep hurt to start the healing process. In Colossians 3:13,

"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."

We have all been forgiven for our sins through the blood of Jesus! This is so awesome! So, when you go through deep hurt, remember what God has done for you, and when choosing forgiveness, you are choosing to begin the healing process.

Brandee Pait is the secretary of Shaken & Stirred. She's a daughter of a God, a wife, a mother of 2 amazing boys, and blessed with a daughter-in-law. She is a Registered Nurse. Brandee enjoys a Peanut Butter Baylees from Boulder Coffee (minus the coffee) with her gals at Coffee Talk.

Photo by John Lockwood on Unsplash

Necessary Forgiveness // Baylee Wilson

When I was fifteen I went on my first trip to Haiti and from that moment on I knew it would not be my last. In 2016, my husband Michael and I sold everything we owned and started working for a ministry located in Haiti. Before we moved, we noticed some things about the couple we would soon be working for that just didn’t seem like a good fit for us. We realized early on that they did things a little different than we would but it was too late to turn back. We had already sold all of our belongings and announced we were moving. 

Unfortunately, about a year into living there it came down to the point where we couldn’t turn a blind eye to some of these things we were seeing. It wasn’t only about how we were being treated, but even more so how they treated the Haitian people. They were supposed to be there to serve and show love to these people, but it seemed as if the opposite was taking place. After months of prayer we made the tough decision to move back home. 

After we came back, I was bitter. For as long as I could remember, moving to Haiti was my calling. So when it didn’t work out the way I had hoped, I wanted someone to blame. I wished failure on them. Don’t get me wrong, our time in Haiti was life changing. We saw God move in ways that I have never seen before. But because of the way our relationship ended with this ministry I was not allowing my time there to be a blessing. I was hurt and allowed my bitterness to stop God from further using us in ministry, even though I knew it’s what he wanted for our family. It had been almost a year since moving home when I realized I was still holding onto that hurt and hadn’t forgiven them. 

This couple had no idea I was still upset, my anger wasn’t affecting them at all, it was only hurting me. I was reminded of Ephesians 4:32. This verse seems so simply put yet so hard to obey. 

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

Today, I went to my fourth funeral within the last two weeks. What I’ve been reminded of over this time is just how short life is and how important relationships are. I know that some relationships seem destroyed beyond repair, maybe in your eyes that person that hurt you doesn’t deserve forgiveness. But what I’ve learned is that forgiveness is not always for the person who hurt us, but rather for us to move on from the past and look ahead to the future. When I chose forgiveness over bitterness during my time of hurt, I had allowed God to use me again in ways that may not have been possible if I had continued to hold that anger in my heart. 

Forgiveness is brave, it’s bold, & it’s necessary if we want to be more like Christ. If you chose to say YES to forgiveness today, laying down bitterness, what would look different? How could God use that obedience in your life? Join me in living out Ephesians 4:32 choosing kindness, compassion, and forgiveness, just like Jesus does and has commanded us to do. 

Photo by Justin Heap on Unsplash

Walking in Obedience // Mary Swafford

If you haven’t figured it out, our theme this month for the Shaken & Stirred blog is “obedience”. 

Obedience can be such a tough word to hear. For me it brings back memories of feeling like a failure. Throughout my childhood and into young adulthood, I never seemed to measure up to my parents’ standards and expectations. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to get it right. I couldn’t clean my room well enough, wear the right clothes, do well enough in school, choose the right friends . . . you see where this is going. I lived in a world of black and white, but I only had gray crayons if you know what I mean. 

I decided to scour the internet to find the definition of obedience. Because, you know, Google knows everything. I found the typical dictionary definition:

“compliance with an order, request, or law or submission to another's authority. "ie. children were taught to show their parents obedience"’ 

Sounds a lot like childhood. I decided to keep looking (Imagine that) and I found this explanation: 

“Another Greek word for obey in the New Testament means "to trust." According to Holman's Illustrated Bible Dictionary, a succinct definition of biblical obedience is "to hear God's Word and act accordingly.” 

I really like this one (Imagine that). 

As I thought about this definition and read through Bible passages regarding obedience, God eventually took me back to Sunday night’s Spill’in Tea event. I love God’s timing. 

If you weren’t there, Angie Rigsby gave her testimony and talked a bit about Exodus 33 and Moses leading the Israelites into the Promised Land. The more I read the words above, “to hear God’s Word and act accordingly”, the more I thought about the passages in Exodus and our discussion at our table. I thought about how much we are just like Moses, a so-called hero of the faith. But as Jimmy Shaw said in his message Sunday morning;

“...there are no heroes of the faith. There are sinners and there is Jesus. He is our hero of the faith.” 

God has been telling Moses to lead the Israelites into the Promised Land. He has told this to Moses more than once. He even has to tell Moses to “get going” and then repeats where Moses is to go. I don’t know how much time passes until we get to verse 12 when the scriptures state, 

“One day Moses said to the Lord….” 

This is where Moses, like a young Mary Swafford, confronts God and begins to question his instructions and point out where he believes God has left out some important details. Then in verse 13; 

“if it is true….” 

Moses begins to make his own demands and seemingly doubts what God has told him. Another Mary Swafford moment. Like Moses, when I have felt God leading me into something and telling me where to go or what to do, before I “act accordingly”, I start to question God. Once I believe his instruction, I then insert my own demands and doubt mine and His ability to accomplish the task. 

Lovingly, just as God does with me, He assures Moses; 

“I will personally go with you, Moses, and I will give you rest - everything will be fine for you.” 

Not only will God go with you wherever He has instructed you, but he will give you rest. Not necessarily the kind that happens on the couch with warm blankets, but a better rest. True rest in our spirit, mind and soul that can only come from God himself. 

Again the Lord assures Moses, just as he does me; 

“I will indeed do what you have asked, for I look favorably on you, and I know you by name.” 

God knows Moses and he knows me and he knows you intimately. He already knows our shortcomings and our giftings. And with all of it, He calls us to Him and to his purpose and his plan. He called Moses

to lead the Israelites to the Promised Land and he calls us to lead others to that same Promised Land. He will indeed go with us when we ask. He will make all of his goodness pass before you. And he will give you rest. 

What is God telling you to do today? I pray that you will “hear God's Word and act accordingly” and as you do, may you bask in God’s “glorious presence” Exodus 33:18

Mary Swafford is the founder of Shaken & Stirred, Meals that Matter, Coffee Talk, and a Co-Owner of Boulder Coffee in downtown Sand Springs. She is a wife, a mother of 3 beautiful children, but most importantly a daughter of the most high God. You are likely to find her chugging or serving coffee, sitting in a tattooist’s chair, or making friends out of strangers.

Photo by Krzysztof Kowalik on Unsplash

Consequences

In house church we have been going through the book of Joshua. There are many things that God has commanded us to not do. Not because he wants to make our lives harder. But because in our obedience to his commands we find protection and blessings that exceed our expectations.

In Joshua 7, God became angry with the Israelites because someone had disobeyed his commands. Joshua found out about the situation after a failed attack on the city of Ai:

“Israel has sinned; they have violated my covenant, which I commanded them to keep. They have taken some of the devoted things; they have stolen, they have lied, they have put them with their own possessions. That is why the Israelites cannot stand against their enemies; they turn their backs and run because they have been made liable to destruction. I will not be with you anymore unless you destroy whatever among you is devoted to destruction.”
Joshua 7:11-12

God has a reason for all that he commands and there were consequences for Achon, the Israelite that disobeyed, and his entire household. After Achon confessed that he had stolen he was put to death along with his family, and all his possessions burned. Achon’s disobedience had far reaching consequences that he never intended.

After Achon’s death, God told Joshua to attack the city of AI again. This time, they came out victorious and took possession of all that the city had to offer. God blessed his people for being obedient to his commands. After, this Joshua read all the laws that God gave them, so that they would all be reminded and not sin against God.

When it comes to disobedience there are times when it could result in death. Other times it can mean taking a longer, harder path then God intended for your life. When God tells you to do something, you do it. In Deuteronomy 28:1 it says,

“If you fully obey the Lord your God and carefully follow all his commands I give you today, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations on earth.”

Just like God had plans for the Israelites. He has plans for you as well. But will you be obedient and follow his direction when he reveals it to you? Or will you take a different path because it seems easier?

Bethany Thomas is the Publicity Coordinator and a contributing writer for Shaken & Stirred. She is a daughter of God, a wife, and a dog mom. When not writing for the blog, you are most likely to find her reading a fantasy novel or crafting at her home in Sapulpa, OK.

 Photo by Bradyn Trollip on Unsplash

When I Kept Silent

I’ve had a good day today. Part of it is because I had a day off from work, another is that I got to sleep in till about 7:00AM. Can I get a hallelujah? After feeding my doggo I was able to get a load of laundry started and clean up the kitchen! Winning. I was able to make it to a local coffee shop and get half priced coffee and read my devotional by 9:30AM. The real miracle here though is that I was able to sit down and be inspired by God’s word for this devotional prayer.

There have been many times in my walk with God where I have questioned my own salvation. But I’m reminded when I get into the Word that it is a lie that the Devil is trying to trip me up with. I have been and will continue to be redeemed by the blood of Jesus Christ. I have the Holy Spirit within me, being both a comfort and a compass pointing me towards God. My prayer is that Psalm 32 will both convict you and point you to the true blessing in this life: the love of our heavenly Father.

…

1 Blessed is the one
whose transgressions are forgiven,
whose sins are covered.
2 Blessed is the one
whose sin the Lord does not count against them
and in whose spirit is no deceit.

God, my Father, thank you for forgiving my transgressions against you. Thank you for being there, all around me, waiting for me to reach out. Thank you for never turning away from me. Lord, I pray for blessings to pour out upon this community. God, I pray that if there is a woman here who does not know you that show yourself to them today. I pray that their hearts are softened and that they feel the peace and love that you have for them.     

3 When I kept silent,
my bones wasted away
through my groaning all day long.
4 For day and night
your hand was heavy on me
my strength was sapped
as in the heat of summer.
5 Then I acknowledged my sin to you
and did not cover up my iniquity.
I said, “I will confess
my transgressions to the Lord.”
And you forgave
the guilt of my sin.

Your Holy Spirit lives within me and nudges me in the way I should go. God he is here in my heart that I may know you while I still live here on earth. He coaxes me to turn back to you and reconcile what has happened and be redeemed by you, God.    

6 Therefore let all the faithful pray to you
while you may be found;
surely the rising of the mighty waters
will not reach them.
7 You are my hiding place;
you will protect me from trouble
and surround me with songs of deliverance.

God give us all the craving and urge to seek you and pray. God help our first thoughts to be of you each day. When the good or the bad occur let us go to you first with thanksgiving and praise. Just as David said, “you are my hiding place”, Lord. Continue to shelter us in your arms and set your angels around us as protection against the enemy attacks.

In your name we pray, Father God. Be with us this day and all the days to come.

Bethany Thomas is the Publicity Coordinator and a contributing writer for Shaken & Stirred. She is a daughter of God, a wife, and a dog mom. When not writing for the blog, you are most likely to find her reading a fantasy novel or crafting at her home in Sapulpa, OK.

Photo by Jessica Delp on Unsplash

Grace with Covid // Heather Dillingham

As I am writing this I am on day four of Covid…Yay. Something about being sick though is that it makes you realize how much you need grace.

You need grace because you aren’t able to play with your kids. You need grace because you can’t be intimate with your partner or even be around them. Grace for the laundry and dishes piling up, grace for the groceries that need to be ordered, and grace for having to hide when the rest of the family is enjoying family time. Not to mention the grace you need for yourself for feeling guilty about all the above.

But I noticed something when reading Psalms 119. A simple line that I could have sworn I read already in Psalms.

Turn to me and be gracious to me,
    as is your way with those who love your name.

Psalm 119:132

Here is why…

Turn to me and be gracious to me,
    for I am lonely and afflicted.

Psalm 25:16

I entreat your favor with all my heart;
    be gracious to me according to your promise.

Psalm 119:58

Gracious is the Lord, and righteous;
    our God is merciful.

Psalm 116:5

There are so many more verses like this, but you can already see how the Psalmists were constantly reaching for and begging for God’s grace.

Personally, I’m thankful for it! Passages like this point out to me that the Psalmists were flawed. That they NEEDED grace just as much as I need grace. That they argued with their spouses, allowed tasks to fall behind, lied, failed, and had FLAWS. And yet, they constantly point to how gracious God is because they understood the significance of the grace they had been given.

It’s not human nature to be gracious. We tend to want justice and even vengeance sometimes over grace. But God shows time and time again that He is full of grace and mercy. He can handle when we aren’t are best and can help us find the grace to give others and ourselves to become better through Him.

God, I love that no matter how messy I am, you are always full of grace. Your grace is seen so clearly throughout scripture. It’s in the requests of Your Psalmists, the praise of their words, and even in the way you constantly saved your people even when they didn’t deserve it. God please never give up on saving me. Never give up on saving us as a body. Grow us, God, with each failure, and help us to worship you more and to give you more. God thank you for accepting us, flawed and all. In Jesus Name. Amen.

I challenge each of you to find a verse about grace and write it somewhere for you to see this week. Add it to the bathroom mirror, your planner, anywhere. Then comment below what verse you chose.

Heather is a contributing writer for Shaken & Stirred. She is a believer, a wife, and a mother to a wonderful (and sometimes crazy) toddler. She enjoys reading, playing video games, and listening to podcasts. She can usually be taking care of the home and playing on the floor with her daughter.

Photo by Tracey Hocking on Unsplash

My Rock // Chelynn Broughton

If you haven’t read I and II Samuel, you may not know about all the struggles that David faced during his long life. Most of the Psalms are written by David during these difficult times. He spent much of his young life trying to avoid the death warrant the king placed on his head, but he stayed faithful in his relationship with God through all of it. When we are praying through the Psalms, sometimes his prayers seem so far off from our lives, but some of them are similar to what we are experiencing. Psalm 28 is one of those that is pretty spot on with what our nation is going through right now.

…

“To you, Lord, I call; you are my Rock, do not turn a deaf ear to me. For if you remain silent, I will be like those who go down to the pit. Hear my cry for mercy as I call to you for help, as I lift up my hands toward your Most Holy Place.”

‭‭

Father God, You are my rock, my firm foundation. Hear my prayer dear Lord. I cry out to you for help and lift my hands towards Heaven.

“Do not drag me away with the wicked, with those who do evil, who speak cordially with their neighbors but harbor malice in their hearts. Repay them for their deeds and for their evil work; repay them for what their hands have done and bring back on them what they deserve.”

‭‭

Please help me to not be like those who speak kind words to their friends and then plot to destroy them. God, punish them for their evil actions and measure out their punishment in proportion to their wickedness.

“Praise be to the Lord, for he has heard my cry for mercy. The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.”

‭‭

Praise you Lord for hearing my cries for mercy. You are my strength and my protection. I trust You, Lord, with all my heart. You fill my heart with so much joy that I want to sing songs of worship.

“The Lord is the strength of his people, a fortress of salvation for his anointed one. Save your people and bless your inheritance; be their shepherd and carry them forever.”

‭‭

Thank you Lord for giving me strength during these hard times. Please make your presence known to those in power. Bless our nation and lead your people; be our shepherd and carry us in your arms forever. In Jesus’ name, Amen

…

Are you remaining strong in your faith even in these chaotic times? Know that God is faithful to His word. He will bless those who stand firm in their faith through their struggles.

Chelynn is a contributing writer for Shaken and Stirred. She is a long-time daughter of Christ, a wife, mother of two amazing adult children, and Nonnie to four beautiful grandchildren. She teaches Senior English at Charles Page High School and is also a Realtor for Keller Williams. She enjoys all things summer including boating, vacationing, and swimming.

Photo by Ben Karpinski on Unsplash

How Lovely // Mary Swafford

I’m late.  I’m late in writing this blog.  I totally spaced that my blog was due to post on Monday this week.  I never thought about it until I laid down to sleep last night and then it hit me!

I’m late.  But God is always right on time.  Our theme this month for our blog is praying through the Psalms.  I randomly chose a Psalm that I remembered enjoying during our recent study of the Psalms but knew ultimately that God would direct me to another when it came time to write.  

I’m so thankful for His timing.  Had I written my blog on time, I would’ve missed the beauty of listening to the ladies at the tall table at Boulder Coffee today as they wrapped up their final bible study gathering for the summer.  They have been studying Psalm 23 for the last 8 weeks.  I have enjoyed hearing bits and pieces here and there of their conversations of how God has spoken to them through the word.  Today was no different.  There was a lull in activity at the coffee shop which allowed me to hear one of them beautifully describing how God had pointed her to Psalm 84.

I stopped listening to her and started reading the Psalm for myself.  And I knew.  I knew God ordained this moment and this is the Psalm I’m going to pray with you.

As I pray, I hope that you will pray with me too.  Listen to the words of the Psalmist.  The words of God.  Allow them to penetrate your spirit and share with me in the comments how God spoke to you through Psalm 84.

…

How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord of Heaven’s Armies.  I long, yes, I faint with longing to enter the courts of the Lord.  With my whole being, body and soul, I will shout joyfully to the living God.

God, I love you Lord.  I want to be with you, Lord.  I want to feel your presence here with me now.  God I thank you for the gift of salvation through Jesus Christ and the intimacy that knowing Him brings.  God let your presence wash over me.

Even the sparrow finds a home, and the swallow builds her nest and raises her young at a place near your alter, O Lord of Heaven’s Armies, my King and my God!  What joy for those who can live in your house, always singing your praises.

God you take care of even the sparrows needs, Lord how much more will you care for mine?  With your tender love you provide for all of creation.  My King and my God!  What joy you give me.  Lord, I worship you with all that I am.

What joy for those whose strength comes from the Lord, who have set their minds on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem.  When they walk through the Valley of Weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs.  The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings.  They will continue to grow stronger, and each of them will appear before God in Jerusalem.

God, you are my strength.  When I am weak, you are strong.  I give my burdens to you and when I lay them down, you will pick them up and carry them for me.  You will be my strength when I have none.  When I am thirsty, you will be my refreshment.  When I am hungry, you will be my nourishment.  

O Lord God of Heaven’s Armies, hear my prayer.  Listen oh God of Jacob.  O God, look with favor upon the king, our shield!  Show favor to the one you have anointed.  

God, listen when I pray.  Don’t let my cry go unheard.  God you know what is on my heart.  Sometimes it is more than I can even speak.  But you know my thoughts before I have them and my words before I say them.  

A single day in your courts is better than a thousand anywhere else!  I would rather be a gatekeeper in the house of my God than live the good life in the homes of the wicked.

God, I want to be in your presence.  More than anything else, Lord, I want to serve you.  I surrender myself to you.  I give you everything.  My life, my marriage, my family, my home, my possessions, my relationships.  They all come from you and I surrender them to you.  

For the Lord God is our sun and our shield.

Just like when you lead the Israelites out of Egypt and you were their cloud and their fire, God you are my light.  You show me the way to go, which path to follow.  And you are my shield, protecting me from the enemy.

He gives us grace and glory.  The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right.

Thank you for your goodness Lord.

O Lord of Heaven’s Armies, what joy for those who trust in you.

I trust in you Lord Jesus.  I love you Lord.  Amen.

Mary Swafford is the founder of Shaken & Stirred, Meals that Matter, Coffee Talk, and a Co-Owner of Boulder Coffee in downtown Sand Springs. She is a wife, a mother of 3 beautiful children, but most importantly a daughter of the most high God. You are likely to find her chugging or serving coffee, sitting in a tattooist’s chair, or making friends out of strangers.

Photo by Cédric VT on Unsplash

Pray Through Psalms

For the month of August, my inspiration for the blog was that we need to pray through the Psalms. I believe there are many of you that are familiar with this concept and that is perfect.  But for those that aren’t I just wanted to share why I love doing this:

1.      Focuses Prayer

2.      Allows God to speak

3.      Easily repeated

My ultimate prayer is that by going through the next 5 weeks you will be inspired to do this in your own quite time.

…

Psalm 119:129-136

Your testimonies are wonderful; therefore my soul keeps them. The unfolding of your words gives light; it imparts understanding to the simple.

Lord thank you for your Word. Thank you for giving us reminder after reminder of your faithfulness and love. Your words create light where darkness lived previously. God, I pray that you help us to not only remember your words but to help us to understand them. We thank you for the insight that we’ve received already in reading your word and wait anxiously for more.  

I open my mouth and pant, because I long for your commandments. Turn to me and be gracious to me, as is your way with those who love your name.

God, I pray that you give us an insatiable craving for you and your presence. Father, help us to understand that we only need you. When we search and search for peace, it can only be found in your arms. Make your presence known in both the purposeful times and in the busy moments.   

Keep steady my steps according to your promise, and let no iniquity get dominion over me. Redeem me from man’s oppression, that I may keep your precepts.

Lord, please just guide us in these troublesome times. Keep us safe from the enemy as he prowls around looking for openings in our lives. Set your angels around us and guard our minds from the lies of the deceiver. Jesus thank you for your sacrifice in dying for our sins and redeeming those who choose you, the Father, and the Holy Spirit.

Make your face shine upon your servant, and teach me your statutes. My eyes shed streams of tears, because people do not keep your law.

Father, please allow us to feel your presence. God help us to be like David and give us a longing to share your love with the people around us. Soften our hearts for those that are suffering and give us the courage and nudging to help.

Bethany Thomas is the Publicity Coordinator and a contributing writer for Shaken & Stirred. She is a daughter of God, a wife, and a dog mom. When not writing for the blog, you are most likely to find her reading a fantasy novel or crafting at her home in Sapulpa, OK.

 Photo by Jasmin Ne on Unsplash

To Be A Witness

A couple of weeks ago, Amanda Hall preached a sermon on unity. Near the end she spoke about the three step process in Matthew 18:15-20 concerning sin in the church and how to resolve it. But she took it one step further and talked about how the three step process can also relate to conflict resolution between people in the Church. 

Today, I want to focus on the 2nd step found in Matthew 18:16. 

“But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.” 

In Proverbs, there are many wise sayings that help turn us away from sin and back on the path towards God. I believe they can also help us be wise in choosing the person who could be a witness in a conflict. 

1. “Better is open rebuke than hidden love.” Proverbs 27:5 

Find someone who you trust to be truthful. Someone willing to call you out if you are in the wrong. If you have a friend that is willing to call you out when they see you sin, that is a friend that truly loves you. They would also be a person who could be impartial and not take sides. 

1. “A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret.” Proverbs 10:13

A witness needs to be a person who will not break your confidence. Remember, you are bringing them into a situation that could be sensitive. Make sure that you and the other person can both trust the witness to not talk behind your backs. 

1. “Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.” Proverbs 17:9

Once the matter has been addressed it cannot be brought back up out of context. This situation is not meant to be a weapon in a later argument. All parties must agree that the topic will only be spoken about within context. Because, let’s face it, the matter is probably not fully resolved if someone still feels the need to bring it up in an argument. 

Could you see yourself being asked to be a witness in an argument or confrontation? Would you be able to approach a situation with love? 

I would like to encourage all of you, if the day comes and you are asked to be a third party in a disagreement. Take a deep breath, pray, and listen without speaking. Allow God to use you in the moment and let him speak through you.

Bethany Thomas is the Publicity Coordinator and a contributing writer for Shaken & Stirred. She is a daughter of God, a wife, and a dog mom. When not writing for the blog, you are most likely to find her reading a fantasy novel or crafting at her home in Sapulpa, OK.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

God's Timing // Mary Swafford

I love God’s timing. Sometimes we’re lucky enough to recognize what God is doing when he does it and other times… Not so much.  

I’m reading through the bible this year.  I’m using one of those preset plans on my bible app that tells me what passages of scripture to read from the Old Testament and what days to read it as well as a Psalm or Proverb and a reading from the New Testament. This is my fourth year to read through the bible in this way. I absolutely love it  Every year I feel like God reveals more of himself and his word to me and I’m able to connect the dots a little more every day.  

What’s funny about God’s timing and my bible reading plan is that one day, several weeks ago, I was reading through the book of Job. In chapter 28 specifically.  On this particular day, I was also reading Proverbs chapter 2. It was AWESOME because what I was reading in Job directly correlates with what I was reading in Proverbs!  And then, as if that coinkydink wasn’t enough, I had a message, from Bethany Thomas, to the blog writers saying that for the month of July, we were going to write about a Proverb each week.  

BLAM! “Ferb, I know what we’re doing today!”  (totally unrelated quote from the cartoon Phineas and Ferb)

Well, God revealing himself through his word and his timing is the easy part. Now I need to connect the dots for you and what he is teaching me.

My mind has been racing for weeks now. If you don’t know me, I am the women’s ministry director of Shaken & Stirred. For months, God has been speaking to me about a special event we are planning for you ladies in October. He keeps creating a stirring in my heart for Him and about his character and purpose. I KNOW what it is, but I don’t know how to communicate it to you yet. I’m reading and I’m praying and I’m meeting with other women who God has created this same stirring in. It’s incredible.  And yet, God isn’t finished. And so, neither am I. I’m still praying and I’m still looking.

I keep bouncing back and forth between our next Spill event and the October special event and this blog post. (thus the reason why I’m late getting it written).  And what God has just revealed to me is that part of my problem is my sight.

I’m looking and looking and looking at this passage and reading that book and speaking with those women. My focus isn’t exactly where it needs to be. I’m looking at things with face value, and I need to dig deeper.  I have a big picture, but I lack details. Thankfully, God sees the whole picture from beginning to end.  

I’m gathering facts.  I’m accumulating knowledge. What I need to do is seek wisdom. I pray for it and I ask for it, but I don’t believe I’ve been seeking it.  

“People know where to mine silver and how to refine gold.  They know where to dig iron from the earth and how to smelt copper from a rock [...] But do people know where to find wisdom?  Where they can find understanding?  No one knows where to find it, for it is not found among the living.” 
Job 28:1-2, 12-13

I’m just like the people Job was talking about. I know where to look for the information. I’m willing to do the hard work. I’m working for it with everything humanly possible. And that’s it. Humanly possible. I’m searching for something in the world that can only be found in God. It’s not humanly possible to gain wisdom and understanding of the scriptures or of God’s will by searching for it in a human way, with human tactics.  

“My child, listen to what I say, and treasure my commands.  Tune your ears to wisdom and concentrate on understanding.  Cry out for insight, and ask for understanding.  Search for them as you would for silver, seek them like hidden treasures.  Then you will understand what it means to fear the Lord, and you will gain knowledge of God.  For the Lord grants wisdom!  From his mouth comes knowledge and understanding.  He grants a treasure of common sense to the honest.  He is a shield to those who walk with integrity.  He guards the paths of the just and protects those who are faithful to him. Then you will understand what is right, just and fair, and you will find the right way to go.  For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will fill you with joy.”  Proverbs 2:1-10

I need to slow down. Quiet my mind. LISTEN to what God is saying and treasure his word.  

God tune my ears to your voice. Your quiet and gentle wisdom as you speak into me. Help me to concentrate on you as I cry out to you, Lord give me understanding of what you are saying.

God thank you for who you are and who I am because of you. I give you my heart and my life.  Thank you for your joy and your presence. For always.  Amen!!

Mary Swafford is the founder of Shaken & Stirred, Meals that Matter, Coffee Talk, and a Co-Owner of Boulder Coffee in downtown Sand Springs. She is a wife, a mother of 3 beautiful children, but most importantly a daughter of the most high God. You are likely to find her chugging or serving coffee, sitting in a tattooist’s chair, or making friends out of strangers.

Photo by Bruno Figueiredo on Unsplash

Meek vs. Weak //Heather Dillingham

In preparation for this post, I decided to twist my ankle. Just kidding…kind of. 

A fun summer evening in the yard ended with my daughter freaking out as I clutched my leg and my husband helped me hobble to a chair. What I thought was surely just a minor thing, turned into a big annoyance as everyday tasks became difficult. (I don’t recommend attempting to shower when you can’t put weight on one foot.)

Something interesting happened in those first few days as I worked out navigating without using my foot/ankle as best as possible. I started becoming my own cheerleader. Everything was “You got this, Heather!” or “Come on, you can do this.”

I was encouraging, kind, and forgiving. 

But truth be told, I’m not normally that nice to myself, or my spouse. I nag, I match energy, and sometimes I take my daily frustrations out on the one person God gave me to love and cherish for the rest of my life. 

The Bible says,

A foolish child is a father’s ruin, and a quarrelsome wife is like the constant dripping of a leaky roof. 
Proverbs 19:13

When I read this verse, I knew I needed to write about it. This one little line in a chapter full of wisdom hit home. How much do I allow my house to be full of quarrels versus choosing to step back and let God fill it with peace? How much do I encourage?

I can tell you that I have seen the most change and healing happen when I have chosen to let God take over. On the other side, I have seen the most destruction in times I haven’t.

We live in a culture that doesn’t look at the relationship between a man and a woman like what God set it up to be. Everything is about what YOU want. It’s about putting men in their place and showing we are strong. But the thing is, the Bible never says women aren’t strong. 

Meekness and self-control aren’t signs of weakness, they are signs of true strength and God put us on this earth to be exactly that for our spouses. We are supposed to love, support, and encourage, not nag, discourage, and wound.

I encourage each of you to take a look at the words and actions you use this week. Are you more likely to complain than encourage? Do you tell your spouse thank you for mowing the yard, or do you get angry because they got grass on the walkway? 

If you don’t have a spouse, how are you treating your significant other, friends, or family? Do you choose to gossip instead of asking about their day? Do you get easily offended and turn cold?

Who we are is a direct response to who God is in our lives. So be the encourager, the peacemaker, and choose to be meek as a sign of strength rather than weakness. I pray God provides healing in all the relationships of those reading these words. That He provides His peace and guidance, and that each of you sees His vision for your relationships.

Heather is a contributing writer for Shaken & Stirred. She is a believer, a wife, and a mother to a wonderful (and sometimes crazy) toddler. She enjoys reading, playing video games, and listening to podcasts. She can usually be taking care of the home and playing on the floor with her daughter.

Photo by Kelly McCrimmon on Unsplash

A Life of Worship // Mary Swafford

God has been wrecking my thoughts the last three weeks.  Every time I turn around or read my devotional or attend a worship encounter, it feels as though He is calling to me, drawing me to Him and into a greater, deeper understanding of His purpose.

I wish I could explain sometimes how he speaks to me.  I’d like to say that his words have come like thunder or an earthquake, much like Elijah was expecting.  But more often than not, His voice comes as a whisper, just as Elijah received.  A whisper that seems louder than a scream, that only I can hear.  Words that resonate in my mind and on my heart for days, weeks or longer. 

If that weren’t enough, then it seems God brings his people, in seemingly innocent conversation, and uses them to remind me of what He has been speaking to me.

I have a bad habit of acknowledging His words and then ignoring them, getting distracted, and going on with life.  But in true God fashion, He will come at me again and again and again until I respond.

Right now I’m working through and praying about what exactly my response should be, but I feel compelled to share with you some of what He has been saying to me.

In a recent worship encounter, the speaker said (in the words of the gospel according to Mary’s notes and short term memory) “Our faith shouldn’t be dependent on outcomes, but on who God is.”  

Bam.  

I can’t get this phrase out of my head.  I am,  as I suspect you are, often guilty of coming to God with my laundry list of prayer requests and base the depth of my faith on which of those requests He has answered and in what way.

In our House Church’s we are studying the book of Joshua.  We’re about midway through the book and we’re reading about the allotment of land, the fulfillment of God’s promise spoken to Moses.  In chapter 14, Caleb requests his inheritance and in verse 10, states that it has been:

“forty five years since the Lord spoke this word to Moses.”

Forty five years.

In the book of Genesis, it was about 25 years for God’s promise to make Abraham a father of nations to come to pass.  

It’s not always easy to trust God for something.  Sometimes we quit praying long before we receive our “answer”.  We may even give up.  In giving up, we tend to question God or distance ourselves from him, his word, and his people.

Or, we may have a tendency to laugh like our sister Sarah as she laughed when she heard “I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife will have a son.”  Because when God speaks, we don’t believe Him or his timing.

But the memory of the pain and sorrows of unanswered prayers or heartfelt longings linger.  However, we can raise a hallelujah because we choose to trust God and we choose to surrender to His will. Even when we don’t understand, even when we don’t get the answer we so desperately wanted. We choose to look at His track record and what we know to be true.

I read this verse recently in one of my morning devotionals, 

“The thought of my suffering and homelessness is bitter beyond words.  I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss.  Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this:
The faithful love of the Lord never ends!  His mercies never cease.  Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.  I say to myself, the Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!”  
Lamentations 3:19-24

I don’t want my praise to be dependent on an answered prayer.  God I want you to be enough.  You are my inheritance and you are more than enough for me!  I want to dare to hope in you.  Not even looking to receive anything more from you because you’ve already given me everything!

Whatever season you are in, I borrow the words of David to encourage you to trust in God at all times. Pour out your hearts to Him. God is your refuge. Draw near to Him, in good and bad, with lamentations and hallelujahs. He will meet you there.

 Photo by Cristobal Baeza on Unsplash

Just Praise

Less distraction, no judgment, freedom to move. That is why I choose to sit on the front row. Because let’s face it, we all have our own way to worship the lord. Mine includes a need to dance and move so I like having space and the ability to tune things out. If I sit in the back I’m distracted by what other people are doing and find it hard to concentrate on just praising God.

I’ve mentioned before in a post called “Twirling Dancer” that I used to dance in church as a little girl. What I didn’t get into is that as a teenager I could barely raise my hands in worship. Why? Because I was embarrassed and felt like I was being judged by my friends. I didn’t want their opinion of me to change, so I changed myself to fit in with them. 

In John 12:1-7, we come across a story where Jesus visited the family of Lazarus, not long after Lazarus had been raised from the dead. 

“Martha served, while Lazarus was among those reclining at the table with him. Then Mary took about a pint of pure nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus’ feet and wiped his feet with her hair.” 

(John 12:2-3)

Each one of the siblings was honoring Jesus in their own way. I will even say they were praising him. Of course Mary’s praise was probably the strangest to both us and the people around her. It was normal to wash a visitor's feet with water, but insane to use expensive perfume, worth a year's income, and your own hair. But she didn’t care. Mary had her eyes on her Lord and savior and didn’t let the opinions of the disciples, her siblings, or anyone else deter her. She humbled herself and simply worshiped. 

My prayer is that you will be encouraged by Mary’s example and be daring in your praise and worship like her. I was reminded of Mary while singing in church on Sunday, “I just want to kneel here at your feet” (“Nothing Else” by Cody Carnes). Can you be daring and humble yourself before the Lord for his sake? Do something different this coming Sunday or in your own worship time during the week: dance, kneel, sway, raise your arms to the lord. Just praise HIM. 

Bethany Thomas is the Publicity Coordinator and a contributing writer for Shaken & Stirred. She is a daughter of God, a wife, and a dog mom. When not writing for the blog, you are most likely to find her reading a fantasy novel or crafting at her home in Sapulpa, OK.

Photo by Darya Ogurtsova on Unsplash

Wisdom \\ Sheila Dorris

This world is really tough. It's hard to make it throughout the day without hearing of a tragedy. If you  stop and think though, the Bible talks about tragedy all the time: murder, fraud, slavery, adultery, and all that in just one story concerning the grandchildren and great-grandchildren of Abraham. There are plagues, famines, floods, wars, and all kinds of other hardships in the Bible, I mean they had it rough…not to mention no indoor plumbing! 

I have always wondered if I would make the right choices if I was put to the test and had to make hard decisions. Like Moses’ mother, knowing he would be killed if she kept him, sending her baby floating down the Nile. A baby? I don't know if I could trust that everything would be alright. She also trusted that Pharaoh’s Daughter would find him and take him as her own. That’s also pretty iffy.  

The women that are noted in the Bible were put into such messes! What I am thankful for is that in this  literary document, it INCLUDED women in it at all! Study them! If they are in the Bible it is for a good  reason. Remember women weren't worth anything back then. So to be mentioned, is a HUGE moment. 

I think about this story and how I may have reacted. 

1 Kings 3:16–28 recounts that two mothers, who lived in the same house and each had an infant son, came to Solomon. One of the babies had been smothered  and each claimed the remaining boy as her own. Calling for a sword, Solomon declared his judgment: the baby would be cut in two, each  woman to receive half.

“Then the king said, “Bring me a sword.” So they brought a sword for the king. He then gave an order: “Cut the living child in two and give half to one and half to the other.”’ (1 Kings 3:24-25)

In this moment of wisdom King Solomon knew that the real birth mother would not allow her child to die. Where the other mother claiming to be the mom would not care. 

“The woman whose son was alive was deeply moved out of love for her son and said to the king, “Please, my lord, give her the living baby! Don’t kill him!” But the other said, “Neither I nor you shall have him. Cut him in two!” Then the king gave his ruling: “Give the living baby to the first woman. Do not kill him; she is his mother.”’

Whoa! That was a huge risk she just took. She could have been killed for speaking against the king’s decree and the baby would have gone with the other woman.  

When he said he would cut the baby in half, I probably would have been thrown in prison! ARE YOU CRAZY?! “Cut the baby in half” how does THAT solve anything?! 

Not understanding his wisdom at this moment, as we sometimes don't. All she knew was she had to protect her baby even if it meant the other woman would raise him.

Look at the women in the Bible that are used. They are not boring. They are daring! 

Stand up and become daring! Invite someone to church, ask if you can pray with them, go to House Church if you don't attend one. Our Lord is Mighty!  Therefore we should be Mighty in the Lord.  

Sheila Dorris is the adoptive mother of three (now) adult children and is now enjoying being an empty nester. Sheila shares co-ownership of Mojo Merchandise, in downtown Sand Springs, with her best friend. Sheila has served and continues to serve in many areas at Church that Matters. Including: House Church, KTM, Access, Guest Services, and on the production team as a Live Stream Host. Sheila is famous for her sermon notes, taken each week as a guide for others on Facebook. This often starts conversations between those who may have questions about church or may just need to hear the sermon. She loves being silly and making people smile. If you see her, stop her and say "Hello".

.Photo by Hu Chen on Unsplash

Persistence \\ Heather Dillingham

Have you ever noticed that God often likes and helps those who dare? Women (and men) in the Bible who were like, “Ya, that’s cool that this goes against all reason but, my God has me”.

I can’t tell you how many times I have read about Daniel in the lion's den to my daughter and just thought this is crazy! Or read about Ruth who dared to propose to a man. I couldn’t even tell my husband I liked him until he told me first!

But the women I want to talk about today were not only daring. They were persistently daring.

“The daughters of Zelophehad … came forward and stood before Moses, Eleazar the priest, the leaders and the whole assembly at the entrance to the tent of meeting and said, “Our father died in the wilderness…Why should our father’s name disappear from his clan because he had no son? Give us property among our father’s relatives.”
Numbers 27: 1-4
 

Woah woah woah! Do you mean they just walked up and demanded property? In a day and age where women WERE property? Yes and no.

In order to get to Moses in the first place, these five daughters had to first go through lesser courts, pleading their case and daring to demand what they thought was right.

Something else to know about their ask is that it’s not just a simple, “here is some land”. If they get this land, they have to cultivate it, work it, and protect it. They aren’t asking for an easy task. They want the work.

I wonder how many times one of them got nervous or scared and wanted to back out. I wonder how many times they contemplated quitting altogether, but they didn’t, and God blessed them for it:

“Moses brought their case before the Lord, and the Lord said to him, “What Zelophehad’s daughters are saying is right. You must certainly give them property as an inheritance among their father’s relatives and give their father’s inheritance to them.”
Numbers 27: 5-7

This short story in the Bible gives us a glimpse into daring acts that set things apart for a whole family. It goes against customs and norms, but God chose to honor and bless them for their daring. So, what are you daring for?

For me, I’m daring to put my trust in God as I work on side projects that I always thought I wasn’t good enough to do. To fail, mess up, and keep pushing. To do the work and choose to be persistently daring.

Are you ready to be persistently daring? Are you brave enough to do the work and face the courts as Zelophehad’s daughters did? Are you brave enough to go to God?

I pray that each of you makes time today to just listen to God. To what He has called you to be daring for! I pray that He renews you with strength and continues to help you push and be like these five daring women.

Heather is a contributing writer for Shaken & Stirred. She is a believer, a wife, and a mother to a wonderful (and sometimes crazy) toddler. She enjoys reading, playing video games, and listening to podcasts. She can usually be taking care of the home and playing on the floor with her daughter.

Photo by John Thomas on Unsplash

Saying “No”

Saying “no” is a terribly difficult task for me. I do everything in my power to say yes whether that be to other people or myself. However, in not saying “no” I might be doing more damage than good.

Three areas to practice saying “no”:

Entertainment

I love books, movies, tv shows, and music. It is my dream to become an author and write YA fantasy/science fiction novels. Because of that I enjoy consuming all kinds of media. Which can be dangerous if I’m not vigilant. In Philippians 4:8 it says,

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

There are times when the topics of the media I consume do not coincide with what is said in this verse. Now I can easily say no to watching or reading anything in the horror genre. But ask me to see a superhero movie and I’m racing you to the theater. Even if there’s an underlying theme that goes against my beliefs as a Christian: such as witchcraft or gods from other religions I have a hard time saying “no” unless it’s super obviously bad.

For example, I enjoyed watching Sabrina the Teenage Witch (1996) when I was growing up (secretly of course because my parents didn’t think it was appropriate) and when the Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (2018) came out I thought it would be similar. But it certainly was chilling, and I had to stop it 20 minutes into the first episode.

Why is it I can say no to something blatantly satanic, but I can swallow the comedic candy colored varnished version of the same base material without an issue?

Social Engagements

The fear-of-missing-out is a real feeling, even for a homebody like me. I deeply miss my friends and miss the days where they were right next door, or you could spend hours on the phone with them. As an adult you don’t get to spend as much time with your friends. You end up only getting a few hours at church or an evening or two a month. Which means it feels horrible when you need to say no to an invitation.

But I think we should give grace to each other. There are going to be times when saying “yes” to one more invitation creates an exhaustion that is bone deep. While being with friends is important it is equally important to create margin for rest and refreshment.

“Observe the Sabbath day by keeping it holy, as the Lord your God has commanded you. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your male or female servant, nor your ox, your donkey or any of your animals, nor any foreigner residing in your towns, so that your male and female servants may rest, as you do.”
Deuteronomy 5:12-14

Serving

Since I was 8 years old I have been serving in church. It started with the offering bucket in children’s church and has now bloomed into serving on several different teams, including Shaken & Stirred. It used to be that there were only a couple of places you could serve in: children’s ministry, youth, and (if you could sing) the worship team. But now there are so many other opportunities inside and outside the church that one can get lost in it. However, serving in the church should not become an identity. It should be a natural result of loving Jesus but never your actual identity.

I can easily say “yes”, to serving when I should be saying “no”. I’m a regular Martha when it comes to these things. I get so caught up in the task that I forget the point of it all,

“But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left m e to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”’
Luke 10:40-42

Jesus loves our faithfulness to serve him and the church, but we must make sure that in doing so we don’t lose the point: Jesus himself.

When we say “no” it creates the margin we need to connect with God and serve with a full spirit instead of a drained one. When you serve, make sure it is for the right reasons, your “no” may open the way for the right person to take that open spot.

…

In writing this I am not asking you to say “no” to a friends request to hang out, or from watching the latest marvel tv show, or even from a request to serve on the xyz team at church. I’m asking you all to be daring and say “no” to give yourself margin in your life.

Bethany Thomas is the Publicity Coordinator and a contributing writer for Shaken & Stirred. She is a daughter of God, a wife, and a dog mom. When not writing for the blog, you are most likely to find her reading a fantasy novel or crafting at her home in Sapulpa, OK.

Grace, Gentleness, and Courage // Mary Swafford

If you attended a worship encounter this Sunday at Church That Matters or watched online, then you know that our very own Amanda Hall preached a message about Martyrs.  One of the definitions of a martyr is:  a person who sacrifices something of great value and especially life itself for the sake of principal.

Can you think of a time when you sacrificed something of great value for a greater good?  

I’ve been pondering this question today and trying to think if there has been a time when I truly had to sacrifice for someone or something else.  

When I was 10, I took the blame for something my friend did because I didn’t want my parents to be mad at her.  When my brother and I would get in a fight and he would hit me, I would hide under my bed crying until it didn’t hurt anymore because I didn’t want him to get in trouble.  

As an adult, I’ve left a job or two because I disagreed with the culture of the company.  I’ve lost friends because they asked my opinion but didn’t really want it and I’ve given up things that I love for people I love more.   

I would gladly and willingly lay down my life for my family, friends or neighbors.  I believe I would feel just as strongly about this if I ever found myself in a position to need to give my life as a sacrifice, but I’ve never had to approach a situation or person at the risk of my own life.

In 1 Samuel 25, we read about a “sensible and beautiful woman” named Abigail.  She is married to a man named Nabal, who is “crude and mean in all his dealings.”

Nabal is approached by one of King David’s messengers for a favor.  The messenger reminds Nabal of the protection and care the king and his men provided for Nabal’s shepherds and asks if he will share his bread, water, and meat with the king and his men.  Unfortunately, the king’s generosity and kindness is met with disdain and Nabal not only refuses to share, but also insults the king.

King David is infuriated and his response is to order his men to “get your swords!”  Realizing that the king and his 400 men were on the way to murder and carry out vengeance on Nabal and his household, one of Nabal’s servants goes to Abigail to tell her everything that has happened and to plead with her to “figure out what to do”.

Abigail put everything on the line to save Nabal's men. She prepared food and rode out to meet David and his four hundred men (v.18). When she met them she fell down before David and said "On me alone, my lord, be the guilt" (v.24). She stepped in at great cost and risk to herself. No doubt this surprised David as the most unlikely person offered herself up for the men he intended to destroy.

Abigail offers herself a humble sacrifice for an offense she didn’t commit in an effort to save the lives of many.  

“On me alone, my lord, be the guilt.”

It is hard to miss the picture of the Gospel in this story…

“Father, forgive them.  For they know not what they do.”

Romans 5:8 reminds us that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. He entered into our desperate situation, at great cost to himself. He brought glory to God by bearing the wrath our sins deserved. Now we can be ministers of reconciliation, step into difficult situations, and seek to bring about good.

Mary Swafford is the founder of Shaken & Stirred, Meals that Matter, Coffee Talk, and a Co-Owner of Boulder Coffee in downtown Sand Springs. She is a wife, a mother of 3 beautiful children, but most importantly a daughter of the most high God. You are likely to find her chugging or serving coffee, sitting in a tattooist’s chair, or making friends out of strangers.

Photo by Oliver Pacas on Unsplash