Light in the Darkness//Sarah Mercado

SHINE. I think of that word and am immediately flooded with anxiety. My heart rate increases, my stomach starts turning, and my mind begins to race. Even now as I type this.

This may sound a bit strange to you, but I’d like to be vulnerable and shed some light on this by sharing a bit of my story with you today.

I met Jesus at the tender age of five. One of my earliest memories is praying the prayer of salvation with my mother in our family home. It was a sweet and tender moment that would forever change my life, even if I didn’t fully understand it at the time. The 13 years that followed were extremely dark and tumultuous. They were filled with abuse, neglect, pain, and turmoil. But God was with me through it all.

Amidst all the chaos that was my home life, I learned from a very young age that to be visible meant to literally put myself in harm’s way. So, I made it my mission to be invisible, to blend into the background in any and all situations. This was how I kept myself safe. Physically, mentally, and emotionally.

I was labelled as shy and quiet. Some even wondered if I was mute at one point (no lie), but it was just a defense mechanism. If I just kept to myself, and stayed quiet, I wouldn’t be noticed and therefore would not be the target of the abuse. Sometimes that worked, and sometimes it didn’t.

Someday I’ll tell the story of how God carried me through that time in my life. It’s an incredible story of God’s faithfulness and goodness. I would not be here today if it hadn’t been for His love and grace in my life.

I carried this mentality with me into adulthood and even though I was no longer in that dangerous situation, I continued to work hard to blend into the background and not draw attention to myself because I still so desperately needed to feel safe. I’ve only really started to unpack and process this in the last couple of years and God has been so gracious to me while I work through this.

I’d love to be able to tell you that tomorrow if someone asks me to do something like be on stage for something or speak in front of people, that I won’t have that immediate moment of panic, but the reality is that the panic still comes. The anxiety is still present. But so is Jesus. And I am learning to lean into Jesus in those moments.

Each time I am presented with an opportunity to do something that may be out of my comfort zone, those alarm bells begin to go off. In my mind and in my body. But it’s in those moments that, in the same gentle way that Jesus spoke to my heart at five years old and drew me to himself, He reminds me, “You’re safe. You don’t have to hide anymore.”, and He reaches out His hand for me to grasp as He lovingly pulls me out of the darkness and into His light. He does this for me again, and again, and again. Always

patient and kind. And by His grace, I am learning to allow myself to be used in ways that I never would have dreamed were possible.

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21

I recently heard someone speak about this passage of scripture. She pointed out the part about “His power at work within us.”, and said that He works gently, deeply within us, not by force.

Gently, deeply. That is how Jesus is working within me.

It’s time for me to step out of the darkness that I have been hiding in for most of my life and into the light by making myself vulnerable and allowing myself to be visible. Not for my own sake, but to point people to Him and to bring Him glory.

Writing for this blog a few times last year was a great way to dip my toe in, but this year I feel God stirring my heart even more to step out and allow Him to use me in other ways that I have been resistant to in the past. He is helping me to rewrite my story and break the chains that once bound me. Helping me to SHINE for Him like never before.

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:14-16

Let your light shine. So that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. Yes! That is my prayer. For myself, and for each of you.

SHINE!

Grace, Gentleness, and Courage // Mary Swafford

If you attended a worship encounter this Sunday at Church That Matters or watched online, then you know that our very own Amanda Hall preached a message about Martyrs.  One of the definitions of a martyr is:  a person who sacrifices something of great value and especially life itself for the sake of principal.

Can you think of a time when you sacrificed something of great value for a greater good?  

I’ve been pondering this question today and trying to think if there has been a time when I truly had to sacrifice for someone or something else.  

When I was 10, I took the blame for something my friend did because I didn’t want my parents to be mad at her.  When my brother and I would get in a fight and he would hit me, I would hide under my bed crying until it didn’t hurt anymore because I didn’t want him to get in trouble.  

As an adult, I’ve left a job or two because I disagreed with the culture of the company.  I’ve lost friends because they asked my opinion but didn’t really want it and I’ve given up things that I love for people I love more.   

I would gladly and willingly lay down my life for my family, friends or neighbors.  I believe I would feel just as strongly about this if I ever found myself in a position to need to give my life as a sacrifice, but I’ve never had to approach a situation or person at the risk of my own life.

In 1 Samuel 25, we read about a “sensible and beautiful woman” named Abigail.  She is married to a man named Nabal, who is “crude and mean in all his dealings.”

Nabal is approached by one of King David’s messengers for a favor.  The messenger reminds Nabal of the protection and care the king and his men provided for Nabal’s shepherds and asks if he will share his bread, water, and meat with the king and his men.  Unfortunately, the king’s generosity and kindness is met with disdain and Nabal not only refuses to share, but also insults the king.

King David is infuriated and his response is to order his men to “get your swords!”  Realizing that the king and his 400 men were on the way to murder and carry out vengeance on Nabal and his household, one of Nabal’s servants goes to Abigail to tell her everything that has happened and to plead with her to “figure out what to do”.

Abigail put everything on the line to save Nabal's men. She prepared food and rode out to meet David and his four hundred men (v.18). When she met them she fell down before David and said "On me alone, my lord, be the guilt" (v.24). She stepped in at great cost and risk to herself. No doubt this surprised David as the most unlikely person offered herself up for the men he intended to destroy.

Abigail offers herself a humble sacrifice for an offense she didn’t commit in an effort to save the lives of many.  

“On me alone, my lord, be the guilt.”

It is hard to miss the picture of the Gospel in this story…

“Father, forgive them.  For they know not what they do.”

Romans 5:8 reminds us that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. He entered into our desperate situation, at great cost to himself. He brought glory to God by bearing the wrath our sins deserved. Now we can be ministers of reconciliation, step into difficult situations, and seek to bring about good.

Mary Swafford is the founder of Shaken & Stirred, Meals that Matter, Coffee Talk, and a Co-Owner of Boulder Coffee in downtown Sand Springs. She is a wife, a mother of 3 beautiful children, but most importantly a daughter of the most high God. You are likely to find her chugging or serving coffee, sitting in a tattooist’s chair, or making friends out of strangers.

Photo by Oliver Pacas on Unsplash