Saying “no” is a terribly difficult task for me. I do everything in my power to say yes whether that be to other people or myself. However, in not saying “no” I might be doing more damage than good.
Three areas to practice saying “no”:
Entertainment
I love books, movies, tv shows, and music. It is my dream to become an author and write YA fantasy/science fiction novels. Because of that I enjoy consuming all kinds of media. Which can be dangerous if I’m not vigilant. In Philippians 4:8 it says,
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
There are times when the topics of the media I consume do not coincide with what is said in this verse. Now I can easily say no to watching or reading anything in the horror genre. But ask me to see a superhero movie and I’m racing you to the theater. Even if there’s an underlying theme that goes against my beliefs as a Christian: such as witchcraft or gods from other religions I have a hard time saying “no” unless it’s super obviously bad.
For example, I enjoyed watching Sabrina the Teenage Witch (1996) when I was growing up (secretly of course because my parents didn’t think it was appropriate) and when the Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (2018) came out I thought it would be similar. But it certainly was chilling, and I had to stop it 20 minutes into the first episode.
Why is it I can say no to something blatantly satanic, but I can swallow the comedic candy colored varnished version of the same base material without an issue?
Social Engagements
The fear-of-missing-out is a real feeling, even for a homebody like me. I deeply miss my friends and miss the days where they were right next door, or you could spend hours on the phone with them. As an adult you don’t get to spend as much time with your friends. You end up only getting a few hours at church or an evening or two a month. Which means it feels horrible when you need to say no to an invitation.
But I think we should give grace to each other. There are going to be times when saying “yes” to one more invitation creates an exhaustion that is bone deep. While being with friends is important it is equally important to create margin for rest and refreshment.
“Observe the Sabbath day by keeping it holy, as the Lord your God has commanded you. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your male or female servant, nor your ox, your donkey or any of your animals, nor any foreigner residing in your towns, so that your male and female servants may rest, as you do.”
Deuteronomy 5:12-14
Serving
Since I was 8 years old I have been serving in church. It started with the offering bucket in children’s church and has now bloomed into serving on several different teams, including Shaken & Stirred. It used to be that there were only a couple of places you could serve in: children’s ministry, youth, and (if you could sing) the worship team. But now there are so many other opportunities inside and outside the church that one can get lost in it. However, serving in the church should not become an identity. It should be a natural result of loving Jesus but never your actual identity.
I can easily say “yes”, to serving when I should be saying “no”. I’m a regular Martha when it comes to these things. I get so caught up in the task that I forget the point of it all,
“But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left m e to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”’
Luke 10:40-42
Jesus loves our faithfulness to serve him and the church, but we must make sure that in doing so we don’t lose the point: Jesus himself.
When we say “no” it creates the margin we need to connect with God and serve with a full spirit instead of a drained one. When you serve, make sure it is for the right reasons, your “no” may open the way for the right person to take that open spot.
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In writing this I am not asking you to say “no” to a friends request to hang out, or from watching the latest marvel tv show, or even from a request to serve on the xyz team at church. I’m asking you all to be daring and say “no” to give yourself margin in your life.
Bethany Thomas is the Publicity Coordinator and a contributing writer for Shaken & Stirred. She is a daughter of God, a wife, and a dog mom. When not writing for the blog, you are most likely to find her reading a fantasy novel or crafting at her home in Sapulpa, OK.